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Original Air Date:December 4, 1997
Guest Star:Charlton Heston

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(Space Ghost is flying in the Phantom Cruiser, listening to a self-help tape)

Voice: And so it's easy to see why superheroes are at a crossroads. Driven to succeed, yet encumbered by images of the traditional superhero icon, increasingly at odds with today's societal structure.

Space Ghost: Tell me about it.

Voice: Following are my seven superhero salvos for success. Repeat these at will.

Space Ghost: Alright.

Voice: Number one: I am in charge.

Space Ghost: I am in charge.

Voice: Number two: Mine is an energy that I choose to share.

Space Ghost: Mine is an energy that I choose to share.

Voice: Number three: Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

(Phantom Cruiser starts making strange noises)

Space Ghost: Oh, what's that?

Voice: Number four: There's no telling when your time will come.

Space Ghost: ????. come on. Come on, baby, don't do this to me today. I can't handle it.

Voice: Number five: love the moment...

Space Ghost: Shut up, you stupid tape!

(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, citizens! I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight is Acadamy Award winning actor, Charlton Heston.

Zorak: (in background) I'm coppin' an attitude!

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: Tonight! I'm coppin' an attitude!

Space Ghost: Fine, go ahead.

Moltar: I'm coppin' one too!

Space Ghost: Oh, really.

Moltar: You bet! I am coppin' an attitude! (monitor shows text:)


Space Ghost: That's good.

Moltar: I've had enough, and I'm not takin' anymore!

Zorak: That's right! We're layin' it down!

Moltar: And ain't no way, no how are you gonna tell me different!

Space Ghost: Okay.

Zorak: We're settin' the tone, baby!

Moltar: That's right! That is the way it's gonna be, friend! And if you don't like it...

Zorak: You know what you can do!

Moltar: (evil laugh) I heard that!

Zorak: Oh yeah!

Space Ghost: I'm gonna go to the desk, okay?

Zorak: Go on, try, see what you get!

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Here I am now, at the desk.

Moltar: You got lucky, pal! (monitor shows text:)


Zorak: You try it next time, you see what you get!

Space Ghost: Villains, listen to me.

Zorak: No.

Space Ghost: Try as you may, you will not knock my moon out of orbit and upset my tides of well-being-ness.

Moltar: What are you talking about?

Space Ghost: Space Ghost of the Cosmos is now perfect... serene... (monitor shows text:)


Zorak: Stupid!

Space Ghost: ... and centered. Let's all synchronize our hearts.

Zorak: No!

Space Ghost: Moltar? I am ready to receive my guest.

Moltar: (mutters) All right. (throws lever, sends Charlton to studio monitor)

Space Ghost: Greetings, citizen.

Charlton Heston: (lowering from ceiling) Greetings, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Go on, tell everyone who you are.

Charlton Heston: (silent)

Space Ghost: Come on.

Charlton Heston: I am Charlton Heston.

Space Ghost: Yes! Our first Academy Award winner.

Charlton Heston: Really?

Space Ghost: Really.

Charlton Heston: Wow.

Space Ghost: You think the Academy would honor me for my talk show work?

Charlton Heston: Um... let me be honest with you. I don't think so.

Space Ghost: I want one of those trophies, Carlton.

Charlton Heston: Okay, you do?

Space Ghost: I want your trophy. Get it!

Charlton Heston: Okay, okay.

Space Ghost: Wooooo!! All right! Look at me! Oscar winner Space Ghost! Woo Hoo!

Voice: (The vain man glorfies himself, while the self-actualized individual glorifies others.)

Space Ghost: Oh, okay. Chuck, you too are pretty good. I... can call you Chuck, can't I?

Charlton Heston: You bet, you bet.

Space Ghost: How about Chuckles?

Charlton Heston: If you insist.

Space Ghost: Oh, oh oh, wait wait wait, how about Cheston? See, it's a cross between your first name, which is Charlton, and your second name...

Charlton Heston: Um, no. I don't think so.

Space Ghost: (pause) Never say "no, I don't think so". Try saying "yes, I think so".

Charlton Heston: Oh, I see.

Space Ghost: The word "impossible" is a mistake, Chuck. It's really "I'm possible". (smile sparkles)

Charlton Heston: You're all by yourself?

Space Ghost: I've got my enemies here. But... you know... no friends.

Moltar: That's right!

Zorak: I ain't his friend! (monitor shows text:)


Moltar: If you were to ask me if I were his friend, I would say "No!" to you.

Zorak: I heard that!

Charlton Heston: Doesn't it get lonely?

Space Ghost: I go to parties.

Charlton Heston: Oh, you go to parties?

Space Ghost: In my head.

Charlton Heston: Yeah, I sense there's a hidden identity there.

Space Ghost: There's a party all the time there. Sometimes the neighbors up there complain, so I try to turn down the music. Only I can't. Because there are no knobs there.

Charlton Heston: No, no, I understand, I'm, that's, that's fine. That.. let's let it pass.

Space Ghost: What's wrong? What's that? We're out of punch? I'll be right back.

Moltar: Uh, who're you talkin' to?

Space Ghost: I'm back. It turns out I have an unlimited supply of punch.

Moltar: I want some punch.

Space Ghost: For the parties.

Charlton Heston: Okay.

Space Ghost: In my head.

Zorak: (sighs) Get on with the show!

Space Ghost: Are you gettin' enough oxygen, Chuck?

Charlton Heston: Absolutely, I breathe very well in many atmospheres.

Space Ghost: Including the Planet of the Apes? They say there's nothing more fragrant than a hot ape.

Charlton Heston: The odd thing about that movie, was all the gorillas sat at lunch...

Space Ghost: (starts laughing)

Charlton Heston: This is no kidding, this is honest truth.

Space Ghost: Oh, really?

Charlton Heston: All the gorillas sat at one table at lunch, and all the chimpanzees sat at another, and all the orangutans sat at another.

Zorak: (while Charlton is talking) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Space Ghost: (to Zorak) Hey, cut it out!

Charlton Heston: And, uh, the humans were ????...

Moltar: (while Charlton is talking) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Space Ghost: Stop it!! I'm afraid my sidekicks are copping an attitude, Chuck.

Charlton Heston: Oh, I see.

Zorak: (continues making noise)

Moltar: (does the same)

(continue to make noises as they talk)

Space Ghost: Been doin' this all day in here.

Charlton Heston: Yeah, that's clear, that's clear.

Space Ghost: Breathe with me, Charlton.

Charlton Heston: Okay.

Space Ghost: (takes deep breath, then exhales) Weather the storm.

Charlton Heston: Okay.

Voice: (Away with confusion.)

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaa! (aims his power band at Zorak)

Zorak: Aa aa aa aa! Remember, vengeance is the refuge of the weak.

Voice: (He's right, Space Ghost.)

Space Ghost: Let me just give him one.

Voice: (No, rise above the fray.)

Zorak: Listen to her.

Voice: (You're not trying.)

Space Ghost: Can I just...

Voice: (No.)

Space Ghost: Just one?

Voice: (No.)

Space Ghost: (sighs) Fine.

Charlton Heston: (gets zapped by Zorak) Oh, oh! Don't do that, don't do...

Space Ghost: Little green freak! (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: Hey, what, no... Aaaah!! (Blam!)

Voice: (Vengeance is the refuge of the weak.)

Space Ghost: (puts his hand over his face) I know.

Zorak: (crisped) (coughs) Idiot! (coughs)

Space Ghost: All existence is chaos, Chuck. The self-empowered man realizes this...

Charlton Heston: Uh huh.

Space Ghost: ... and rises like an eagle above the tangled teaming masses.

Charlton Heston: Wow.

Space Ghost: Talons out, ready to swoop.

Charlton Heston: You're very perceptive, Space Ghost, I wouldn't have...

Space Ghost: ... thought that I had a new age spirituality? Well, surprise, Chuck, I'm a 90's guy.

Charlton Heston: Did you have any, uh...

Zorak: Talent?

Charlton Heston: ... how can I put it...

Zorak: Class? Intelligence?

Charlton Heston: Formal education?

Space Ghost: Define "formal"

Charlton Heston: I don't want to...

Moltar: (throws lever, Charlton starts talking at double speed, monitor shows text:)

SAT 12

Zorak: (laughs)

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Oh, that's mature!

Zorak: Slow him down! Make him sound creepy!

Moltar: (throws lever again, monitor text changes to

SAT 12

and Charlton starts talking at half speed)

Zorak: (continues laughing)

Moltar: (continues laughing)

Space Ghost: (as Charlton moves his mouth in slow motion) Man, look at those teeth! Hey, wait a minute, is that...

Zorak: Spinach!

Space Ghost: (zaps Charlton on monitor, returning him to normal speed) Ya don't floss, do you, Chuck?

Charlton Heston: You caught me. Not regularly.

Space Ghost: Busted! I can spot an unflossed mouth from two miles away! That's one of my powers.

Charlton Heston: I suppose, yeah, okay, okay, no, I don't floss as regularly as I should.

Space Ghost: I don't talk about that power much. Not really one of my good powers, but still a power all the same.

Charlton Heston: Uh, you're, you seem perfectly fluent in English, can you read?

Zorak: No.

Space Ghost: I like books on tape.

Charlton Heston: Oh, no no no no, we can do better than that, what about Shakespeare?

Space Ghost: What about books on tape?

Zorak: No.

Charlton Heston: No, nope. Shakespeare, that's the best of them all. You know Shakespeare.

Zorak: Nope.

Space Ghost: Not personally.

Charlton Heston: No... (puts his hand to his face) You know the writings of Shakespeare.

Space Ghost: We didn't have the theatre when I grew up, Chuck. We had hard work. Long days, mending the nets. Scaling the fish. No part of the fish was wasted, Chuck. We used the entire fish.

Charlton Heston: You sure, really, no kidding?

Space Ghost: (laughs) Of course I'm kidding!

Charlton Heston: Oh.

Space Ghost: (laughs) Fishing in space! Tell me, Chuck, ever thought of starring in a sequel to "The Ten Commandmants"?

Zorak: No.

Charlton Heston: Uh, I don't think so.

Space Ghost: Not a sequel man, eh?

Zorak: No.

Charlton Heston: What other commandments are we gonna write?

Zorak: Thou that smelled it thine own self dealt it.

Space Ghost: (laughs) Thou that smelled it thine own self dealt it.

Zorak: (fake laugh) Jerk.

Charlton Heston: Yeah, well...

Moltar: Thou shalt not... hesistate.

Charlton Heston: I'm kinda committed to the first ten.

Zorak: Thou shalt not be committed to old commandments!

Space Ghost: Zorak, one more commandment out of you, and thou shalt be blasted.

Moltar: Thou shalt not mess with Zorak, or thou shalt have to mess with me!

Space Ghost: All right, everybody, just calm down!

Moltar: Thou shalt not calm down!

Charlton Heston: I hesitate...

Moltar: Thou shalt not hesitate!!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar with his power bands)

Moltar: (laying on his back) Ohhhhh boy...

Zorak: Uh oh, now you've done it!

Moltar: We're now going to initiate the silent treatment. (monitor shows text:)


Zorak: I ain't saying jack!

Space Ghost: Fine. Good.

Moltar: As of right now, my friend... silence. (monitor shows text:)


Space Ghost: (waits for them to say something)

Zorak: (silence)

Space Ghost: You guys aren't really gonna do this? (total silence) Come on, guys!

Zorak: (silence)

Space Ghost: Hey, come on!

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: Chuck, you're not doin' this too, are ya?

Charlton Heston: (nods)

Space Ghost: Oh, man! (pause) Anybody want ice cream? Zorak? Ice cream?

Zorak: (silence)

Space Ghost: My treat. Moltar?

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: Pistachio. Butter pecan. (as he speaks, monitor shows text:)


Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: Want some gum?

Zorak: Gu-- (wide eyed, then looks away)

Voice: (What are you doing?)

Space Ghost: (quietly) Silent treatment.

Voice: (You don't have time for this. You must destroy the Hoover Dam. It is your destiny.)

Space Ghost: What if I get caught?

Voice: (You're Space Ghost, superhero to millions. Who would suspect you?)

Space Ghost: Yeah, I am Space Ghost. It's my destiny.

Voice: (You better hurry up!)

Space Ghost: What about my pants?

Voice: (What?!)

Space Ghost: My, my, my pants.

Voice: (Your pants are fine. Hurry!)

Space Ghost: Let me just say goodbye to Charlton, okay?

Voice: (Uh uh! Someone's going to beat you to it!)

Space Ghost: All right, all right! (aloud) Uh, Charlton, I gotta go. Pick up the kids. Who are, nnnot in Nevada.

Charlton Heston: Okay, Space Ghost. (waves) Absolutely.

Space Ghost: (flies off)

(Aerial shot, closing in on Hoover Dam, accompanied by dramatic sting music)



(Shots of extreme flood damage, police sirens in background)

Space Ghost: (bounds back to his desk; test pattern is on studio monitor) Well, goodnight, everybody, I, I, I gotta split. (flies off again)

(Credits roll)

(Police car screechs up, door opens)

Police Officer: (through bull horn) Hey you!

Space Ghost: No!

Police Officer: Hey, get over here. All right, we're gonna put ya...

Space Ghost: (struggling sounds) Ow!

Police Officer: Take your hands away from your sides.

Space Ghost: It was my destiny, can't you see?

Police Officer: I will not ask you again, sir, please take your hands away from your sides, please.

Space Ghost: This is my inviso belt.

Police Officer: Yeah, right, buddy.

Space Ghost: You're all blind!

Police Officer: Don't struggle with me! You understand?

Space Ghost: Blind pawns, blinded by government and the mass media.

Police Officer: Do not struggle with me, sir.

Space Ghost: You're so blind.

Police Officer: Spread your legs and put your hands on the side of the vehicle, away from the belt.

Space Ghost: (starts crying)

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. Take the cape from over your face, please.

Charlton Heston
Randolph Heard
Alan Laddie
Jay Edwards
Baco Bryles
(inverted) Tom Roche
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Cheryl Barbour
Dave Willis
Big Deal Cartoons
C. Martin Croker
Derald Hunt
Randall Lane
Dave Sillman
Jay Bellissimo
Mark Coddington
James Dansereau
Roy Clements
Kaili Rubin
Vishal Roney
Isabel Gonzalez
Gus Jordan
Maya McClure
James Huffman
John Schimansky
Nathan Cook
Mark Francis
Ben Edlund
Townsend Coleman
Pat Coddington
Ashley Manos
Renee King
Steve Tseckares
Alex Toth
Jim Fortier
Pete Smith
Andy Merrill
Chip Duffey
Dave Willis
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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