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Title:Idlewild South
Original Air Date:December 14, 2003
Guest Star:Jeff Probst
Trivia:Special thanks to Craig Clark for providing this transcript.

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(Opening theme and titles. While pulling back from window, the camera tilts down to focus on chair.)

(Space Ghost invisos in, the camera focused on his crotch while the end of the theme song repeats on a loop.)

Space Ghost: Err, Moltar? (waves out of frame) Moltar? (loop increases in speed and pitch) Hey! Dummy!

(In control room, Moltar and Zorak are smoking joints and drinking tallboys. The room is filled with smoke. Crumpled cans are scattered on the floor, along with an ashtray and a boom box.)

(Moltar looks at the screen and laughs.)

Zorak: Ahhhhh, this is sweet.

Space Ghost: (invisos into control room) What's going on in here?

Moltar: We're drinking, so what?

Zorak: Yeah, what's it to ya?

Moltar: Care for a tallboy?

Space Ghost: Moltar--

Moltar: What are you going to do, spank us?

Zorak: You ain't our dad.

Space Ghost: (kicks boom box out of shot, silencing it) Moltar, are you aware of the health risks caused by tallboys?

Moltar: (burps) Uhh, yeah, but (with emphasis) it makes you feel like a cowboy! (drinks)

Space Ghost: It does?

(Long beat. Eerie music as Space Ghost holds up a tallboy.)

(Set. Space Ghost is riding the monitor like a bronco to the accompaniment of fiddle music. Crumpled cans litter the studio floor. Space Ghost laughs and carries on like he's in "Urban Cowboy." After a while the monitor stops bucking and Space Ghost leaps off, landing behind desk.)

Space Ghost: Woo! (stands back up, beat) Surfboard! (leaps on top of desk, makes surf noises with his mouth)

(Control room. The floor is clean now, but there is a lot more smoke. A psychedelic Carrot Top poster is on the wall.)

Zorak: He's gonna hurt himself. Probably fatally.

(They both laugh.) (Set. Space Ghost's surfing session winds down. He looks behind him at monitor, which shows static.)

Space Ghost: Shark! (flies offscreen to drum set, where he hits bass drum a few times) Eh heh heh. (hits cymbal)

(Space Ghost at drum set. With his hands he does Christy's drum fill on toms, ending with snare and cymbal.)

Space Ghost: (holds up tallboy) Good stuff.

(Zorak walks over, Space Ghost hits him in the beak with empty can and Zorak grunts. Space Ghost laughs.)

Zorak: I think you've had enough.

(Space Ghost hits Zorak in the beak with another empty can.)

Space Ghost: What do you think of that?

Zorak: I think I don't care.

Space Ghost: You'll care about this.

Zorak: Care about what?

(Grunting, Space Ghost tackles Zorak and pins him to the floor, then forcibly kisses him.)

Space Ghost: That you are now my girlfriend and we are going out twelve times.

Zorak: Wha--?

(Space Ghost stands up and walks away, laughing.)

(Wide shot of desk and monitor, which has a can on top of it. Jeff Probst is also on monitor, waiting. Space Ghost walks into shot and stops in front of desk.)

(Jeff Probst sighs.)

(Space Ghost abruptly walks off, kicking cans as he goes.)

Space Ghost: (disoriented) Tall ice cream?

(Control room. Moltar is in there alone. Jeff is on monitor, which also has a game of pong going on. Reggae music plays. Space Ghost walks in.)

Space Ghost: Moltar!

Moltar: What?

(Space Ghost kicks him in the shin and runs off giggling. Moltar expels smoke from his helmet and watches him go.)

(Set. Space Ghost runs back on, kicking cans.)

Space Ghost: (to Jeff) You seen my drink? (Jeff stares at him) You better not have drank it.

(Control room. Moltar is at the console. Reggae music still plays. Space Ghost's head pops up in monitor.)

Space Ghost: Moltar!

Moltar: (annoyed) What?

Space Ghost: You seen my drink?

Moltar: Duh-- Maybe you should drink some water.

Space Ghost: (angry) You drink some water with your ass!

(Disgusted, Moltar pulls this lever. We see a quick flash of Carl the Cartoonist and kids from "Story Book" looking at camera. Moltar recoils.)

Moltar: Bah!

(Set. It is empty save for Jeff on monitor. Hammering is heard, along with some growling. The lights dim briefly. A power saw is plugged in and turned on.)

(Jeff waits patiently.)

(The lights dim again, followed by more hammering. After a beat, Space Ghost falls in through the ceiling. Jeff watches him fall.)

Space Ghost: Woo hoo!

(Zorak stares at Jeff from his keyboard pod. A large joint is in his hand.)

(Empty shot of desk. Space Ghost drinks a can of beer behind it, sighs and rises into view, tallboy in hand.)

Space Ghost: Woo! Great party. (looks at Zorak) Great party, man.

Zorak: (stares back, croaks) Tool. (coughs, looks away)

(Space Ghost stares at Zorak. Beat.)

Jeff Probst: (nods) Good to be on, Space Ghost.

(Space Ghost looks at him.)

Zorak: (offscreen) Space Tool.

(Space Ghost looks back at Zorak.)

Jeff Probst: Uhh, I am Jeff Probst, of...

(Space Ghost looks at him.)

Jeff Probst: I host a show called "Survivor."

Space Ghost: May I call you Barb?

Jeff Probst: Barb? As a person?

Space Ghost: (crouching behind desk, low voice) Shh, be quiet. (sound of glass tinkling) What was that? (sound of a low growl)

(Zorak turns head to stare at Space Ghost.)

(Space Ghost looks up, listens to growling.)

Jeff Probst: Have you seen the show "Survivor," Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Uhh, yeah. A bunch of guys killin' each other.

Jeff Probst: Well, it's a mixture of guys and girls.

Space Ghost: (sitting up) Dancin' around, killin' each other.

(He throws a can at monitor, hears more growling. Then he stands up with shotgun and fires randomly seven times into the ceiling. Growl in distance.)

Zorak: Hey, now we be trippin'.

(Space Ghost is seated with shotgun at the ready. Low growl.)

Jeff Probst: You run a real loose ship.

(Space Ghost rises and shoots four times into ceiling. The bear from "Kentucky Nightmare" falls to floor. Space Ghost shoots it three times, point blank, killing it. Beat.)

(Heavenly music plays as the ghost of the bear rises from the carcass.)

Zorak: (offscreen) Trippin', I tells ya!

(Bear's ghost ascends out of frame.)

Space Ghost: What do you think of that?

Jeff Probst: (laughs, nodding) That's neat! Kind of like Vegas.

Space Ghost: I love you, guest. That's what's neat.

(Space Ghost has lost the shotgun and is holding out his arms, ready for a hug.)

Space Ghost: (blinks) Come here. (blinks)

Jeff Probst: Space Ghost, I'm as close to you right now as I want to be.

(Space Ghost rises. Beat.)

Space Ghost: Worm!

(Shot of blue curtain. Space Ghost does the worm from left to right, grunting the whole way.)

Jeff Probst: Yeah, that's neat.

(Space Ghost does the worm back from right to left, then collapses at the center of frame, exhausted. He lifts his head up and burps.)

Jeff Probst: Wow!

(Space Ghost burps longer.)

(Jeff smiles.)

(Space Ghost burps an extra long time, then forces out one more.)

Jeff Probst: (laughs) That is impressive! Oh, my gosh!

(Space Ghost runs back behind desk.)

Jeff Probst: You probably do okay with the ladies!

Space Ghost: Oh, hell yeah! Robot! (does robot, making robot noises for about 15 seconds)

Jeff Probst: Yeah, you would have been great in a fraternity.

(Space Ghost gets stuck doing one robot motion repeatedly.)

Jeff Probst: Is anybody actually monitoring this show?

(Control room. It's hard to see through all of the smoke. Space Ghost continues doing the robot in the monitor. The reggae music still plays. Moltar takes a sip of his tallboy and the lets out a loud fart.)

Moltar: (looks at camera) Oh, pardon me! (laughs, looks away) Don't come in here. (takes another sip)

(Set.)

Jeff Probst: I mean, I know you have a (makes quotes with fingers) "director." Is he actually...

(Space Ghost shakes up a can of beer.)

Jeff Probst: Does he do anything or does--?

Space Ghost: Shut up, little man! (sprays monitor with foam) Dah! You have a drinking problem, don't I? (flies into ceiling) Woo! (falls down onto desk and then onto floor, knocking himself out)

(Jeff looks down at him and nods. Space Ghost begins to snore.)

Jeff Probst: Hmm.

(Space Ghost snores loudly with his mouth open, occasionally coughing. Zorak springs into shot with a Council of Doom flag on a long pole. The flag is blue with a white skull over the letters "CD," which are in green. He plants the flagpole in Space Ghost's butt. Space Ghost flinches, but doesn't wake up. He coughs. Zorak lights a match and sets Space Ghost on fire.)

Space Ghost: (still sleeping) Mmello?

Zorak: Heh. He is f(BLEEP)ed up.

Jeff Probst: (nodding) That's what it is!

(Zorak starts to urinate on Space Ghost to put him out.)

Jeff Probst: I knew there was something when I-- You know, when I first saw him that just didn't sit right.

(Space Ghost is put out, his suit and face besooted. He snores briefly, then opens his eyes, coughing as Zorak sprays him one last time. Space Ghost lifts his head.)

Space Ghost: You real, Probst?

Jeff Probst: I am real.

Space Ghost: Me?

Jeff Probst: (nodding) You're real. You guys are real.

Space Ghost: Oh, good. I love you.

Jeff Probst: Umm...

Space Ghost: Seriously.

(Jeff laughs nervously.)

Space Ghost: Seriously, I love you.

Jeff Probst: (beat) I love you, too.

(Space Ghost throws a can at monitor.)

Space Ghost: Shut up, little man. It'll never-- (vomits spray of green liquid) --Work. (vomits again, collapses to floor)

Jeff Probst: Space Ghost, are you all right?

(Space Ghost lifts his head and vomits again.)

Space Ghost: Uhh, I think I'm going to be sick. (lowers head and grunts, then looks up again) Hey, you want some wings?

Jeff Probst: (shaking head) I'm not interested.

Space Ghost: I'll go get 'em. I can drive.

(Shot of Phantom Cruiser doing a loop-de-loop in the air.)

Space Ghost: (offscreen) Woo's a great party!

(Phantom Cruiser crashes into mountain with big explosion.)

(Black. After a long beat, mournful music plays.)

(Fade in on Phantom Cruiser impaled on a jagged rock. Space Ghost has been thrown from the cockpit and is lying on the ground. His right arm is detached and is a few feet from his body, his left leg is bent backwards at the knee. Zorak's flag is still sticking out of his butt. Zoom in.)

(Space Ghost's ghost rises from his carcass, shaking its head. It rises out of frame, the ghost flag still planted in its butt.)

(Blue sky and clouds. Space Ghost's ghost rises into frame.)

Space Ghost: Great party.

(Similar shot. Space Ghost's ghost rises into frame.)

Space Ghost: Great party, man!

(Music stops as Space Ghost's ghost comes to rest of top of a cloud. Space Ghost looks around.)

(Bear walks up to him on cloud.)

Space Ghost: This is a great--

(Bear pulls shotgun and shoots Space Ghost out of frame.)

(Credits roll)

Space Ghost: You want hot or mild? We'll get half and half.


Idlewild South
GUEST STAR
Jeff Probst
WRITTEN BY
Matt Harrigan
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Jim Fortier
Matt Maiellaro
Pete Smith
Dave Willis
EDITORS
Jim Miley
Dave Hughes
MUSIC
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Melt-Banana
MUSICIANS
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
VOICES
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Andy Merrill
DESIGN COMPANY
Big Deal Cartoons
ANIMATION DIRECTOR
C. Martin Croker
ONLINE CONFORM
Tom Roche (inverted)
DIGITAL EFFECTS
Dave Hughes
Steve Jaworski
AUDIO POST PRODUCTION
Pound O Sound, Inc.
J.C. Richardson
Roy Clements
LINE PRODUCER
Vishal Roney
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR
Kim Manning
SPECIAL GUEST
Scott Perkins
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS
Elan Church
Nicholas Ingkatanuwat
INTERN
Ted Murphy
SPECIAL THANKS
Cartoon Network Studios
Brian Miller
Antonio Gonella
CNN Los Angeles
Dave Dubiel
Digital Zeppelin
Ken Thornton
Samantha Pirtle
Ellen Jaworski
Yako Onuki
Crawford Communications
ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN
Alex Toth
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Matt Harrigan
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS
Keith Crofford
Mike Lazzo

© 2003 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.


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