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Title:The Justice Hole
Original Air Date:July 22, 2001
Guest Star:Dave Thomas

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed

(Fade in: Dave Thomas is on the monitor)

Dave Thomas: Alright, I'll do it. Do I get a gun?

Zorak: Yeah, but use your own piece. I can't be connected in, uh, any way.

(Space Ghost invisos in to his desk)

Dave Thomas: (clears his throat, alerting Zorak to SG's arrival)

Zorak: Yeah, Dave, uh, that, uh...

Dave Thomas: Um...

Zorak: ... fair was, uh... fun.

Dave Thomas: Yeah.

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: You weren't in any fair!

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: I heard you tellin' Dave to shoot me in the brain with a laser, out behind the dumpster.

Dave Thomas: Ah...

Zorak: Aw, c'mon, that doesn't sound like me.

Space Ghost: That makes me sad.

Zorak: I never said that!

Space Ghost: Yeah, you did.

Zorak: We're buds!

Space Ghost: Well, I heard it.

Zorak: I never said that, and I would never say that.

Space Ghost: Dave heard it, didn't you, Dave?

Dave Thomas: (nods slowly)

Zorak: (laughs) Oh, now I remember! I did tell him that, didn't I?

Dave Thomas: Are you gonna do anything about it, or are you just gonna hold a grudge here...

Space Ghost: I'm not gonna hold a grudge. I, I'm just gonna go to my room and never do the show again.

Zorak: There you go.

Space Ghost: And, I won't speak to any of you ever again!

Zorak: That'll work.

Space Ghost: And since there's no food in my room, I'll probably just die there.

Dave Thomas: Okay... (exhales)

(Cut to control room; Moltar watches on his monitor)

Space Ghost: How would that be... ya fat babies?

Moltar: Good!

(Cut back to studio)

Zorak: Yeah, good.

Dave Thomas: (chuckles)

Space Ghost: (takes off from his desk, flies off the set)

Dave Thomas: Okay, this is my show, now that Space Ghost is gone, this is the Dave Thomas Show.

Zorak: Yeah!!

Dave Thomas: Space Ghost won't be able to be back for the rest of the day.

Zorak: Awright!

Dave Thomas: I've often wondered from watching your show...

(As Dave talks, Space Ghost is silhouetted in the foreground, watching the set unseen, thinking to himself)

Space Ghost: [So we forgot all about our good friend Space Ghost...]

Dave Thomas: (to Zorak) ... how tall are you?

Zorak: Eh, about seven feet.

Dave Thomas: Seven feet tall.

Zorak: Yeah, I'm pretty big.

Dave Thomas: I'm impressed.

Zorak: I know.

Space Ghost: (still thinking to himself) (mocking) ["How tall are you? I'm pretty tall."] (walks out of shadows)

Dave Thomas: How much can you bench press?

Zorak: Eh, about 320.

Dave Thomas: I could tell that from your over-developed quads.

Moltar: (stammering) Hey Dave, Dave, ask me how tall... how I can press.

Space Ghost: (walks in front of Zorak's keyboard pod) Did it just get noisier in here? (he stops in front of his desk) It stopped. (quietly, to Zorak) Hear how quiet it got? (sits down at his desk) Uh, so, how's the, uh, how's the show going?

Zorak: It's going pretty good!

Space Ghost: As if I care.

Zorak: It's funny.

Moltar: Yeah, too bad you're missing it.

Space Ghost: (looks at a cue card) What are y'all talking about?

Zorak: (to himself) We're not talking about anything, now that you're here.

Moltar: Actually, we were talking about...

Space Ghost: Oh, I heard it. Say, Dave...

Dave Thomas: Yeah?

Space Ghost: Why don't you ask Zorak about his hollow arms, and how you can break one off and sip a drink through it?

Dave Thomas: Oh god!

Space Ghost: If you'd ever want to put your lips on it.

Zorak: Hey, I thought you were leaving.

Space Ghost: But I don't think you'd want to put your lips on something like that. Would he, Zorak? Answer him. Answer me.

Zorak: This ain't your show. It's the Dave Thomas Show.

Space Ghost: I'm not here for your show. Your show's stupid and I hate it. And I never liked it.

Zorak: Uh huh.

Space Ghost: I never liked it, Zorak.

Zorak: Uh huh.

Space Ghost: I just came down to get my keys so I could.. drive over to where my new friends are.

Zorak: We don't care.

Space Ghost: Where it's fun.

Zorak: Well, go get 'em. What are you waitin' for?

Space Ghost: I don't know... I thought I'd say hello to Dave.

Dave Thomas: (looks back silently)

Space Ghost: Hey Dave.

Dave Thomas: Greetings, Space Ghost.

Zorak: Alright, you did that, now get your keys.

Space Ghost: (pounds his desk) Say Dave, tell me about your new projects.

Zorak: Hey! That's enough!

Moltar: Yeah man, leave.

Space Ghost: I am leavin'.

Moltar: So leave. I mean, you've been leavin' for five minutes.

Space Ghost: And I'm never comin' back.

Moltar: Good! Go! Bye!

Space Ghost: When I go, that's it.

Zorak: So [bleep] go!

Dave Thomas: (looks shocked)

Space Ghost: (stares in silence)

Zorak: Dave doesn't want you on his show! Isn't that right, Dave?

Dave Thomas: (pauses) No no, no no no...

Moltar: Now man, you said it was your show...

Dave Thomas: Aw, c'mon.

Space Ghost: Fine, I'm leaving! (pounds his fist)

Dave Thomas: Alright, go ahead.

Space Ghost: Alright, I will go ahead!

Zorak: Then move it!

Moltar: Yeah, get outta here!

Space Ghost: (pauses) Hey hey, let's show some of my old clips.

Moltar: No!

Space Ghost: (pounds his desk) Fine, ya bunch of fat babies! Don't expect me back here any time forever! (pounds desk again)

Dave Thomas: What a shame.

Zorak: (laughs hysterically)

Moltar: (laughs hysterically)

Space Ghost: (flies off)

(Scene transition to the Hall of Justice)

Narrator: Outside the Hall of Justice...

(Scene changes to a giant hole in the ground, with a rusted car and trashcans behind it, and a factory and polluted skyline in the background behind a chain link fence.)

Narrator: ... is this Hole...

Space Ghost: (rides by on a garden tractor) Hey Snakefish! My man! (Snakefish stands up, along with someone in a turban, who ducks down again. Space Ghost's tractor goes off screen and stops)

Narrator: ... of Justice.

Space Ghost: Gimme five, my man. I know you didn't ask me to, but I went ahead and mowed your lawn anyway.

Snakefish: Gee, thanks, uh... Space...

Space Ghost: Space Ghost.

Snakefish: Yeah, that's what I said. Here's ten dollars.

Space Ghost: Here, let me get you some change in my inviso... (invisos out "by accident") Hey! Look at that! I turned invisible! (invisos back in) I don't want to tell you your job or anything, but I bet superpowers like that would come in pretty handy for you guys around the Hole of Justice. (as Space Ghost talks, five other characters appear in the hole and behind the car and trash cans)

Snakefish: We can all do this. (all of them inviso out)

Space Ghost: Well, that makes us friends then, huh? Hello... hello... hello... (characters sneak away under inviso power) Where are you?!

(Back in the studio)

Zorak: (laughs) Hey hoser, you take off!

Dave Thomas: Hey, take off, Zorak.

Moltar: Hey wait, you guys, you guys...

Zorak: Take off, eh? (laughs)

Moltar: Dave, Dave, tell me to take off.

Dave Thomas: (stares back in silence)

Moltar: Oh c'mon, somebody tell me to take off, eh? (chuckles)

Dave Thomas: (silence)

Moltar: C'mon, do it.

Space Ghost: (invisos to set) Hey, take off, everyone! Take it all off!

Moltar: (groans)

Zorak: Aw, man!

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: I thought you had some friends!

Space Ghost: I do.

Zorak: Then where are they?

Space Ghost: Uh... they were all out visiting other friends, uh, that I know through them. Dave, do you mind if I just sit here until my friends tell me where they are?

Dave Thomas: Yeah, I do mind. It bothers me when people do that.

Space Ghost: By "people", do you mean me?

Dave Thomas: Yeah.

Moltar: (standing by Space Ghost's desk) Dave, is there a problem here?

Dave Thomas: No, no problem at all.

Moltar: Because if there's a problem... (slaps cards down on Space Ghost's desk) I have the solution.

Dave Thomas: No problem.

Moltar: Alright, you just call me if you need anything, Dave.

Dave Thomas: Okay.

Moltar: (walking away) The Dave Thomas Show. Heh heh, I love it.

Space Ghost: He's not the host of the show.

Zorak: Yeah he is.

Space Ghost: No he isn't, and you shut up, because I'm about to conduct an interview.

Dave Thomas: Alright, Space Ghost, how thick is your neck?

Space Ghost: I'll ask the questions, Dave. How thick is my neck? It's 48 inches.

Dave Thomas: That's a decent sized neck.

Space Ghost: Radius, Dave.

Dave Thomas: 48 inch radius.

Space Ghost: Radius.

Dave Thomas: How do you measure it, with a straightened coat hanger or...

Space Ghost: I just cut my head off and count the rings on my esophagus.

Dave Thomas: Fair enough.

Space Ghost: What's that on your jaw, Dave? Oh-h-h, it's fat.

Dave Thomas: Thank you for even acknowledging that I have a jaw, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (in low voice) Not much of one.

Dave Thomas: Hey.

Space Ghost: What?

Dave Thomas: I'm a guest. How about a little civility, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Oh, you're the guest. Then who's the host?

Dave Thomas: Of the Space Ghost show?

Space Ghost: Yeah, Dave. The Space Ghost show.

Dave Thomas: (pause) Uh... Zorak?

Zorak: (in background) Tell it on the mountain!

Space Ghost: No.

Dave Thomas: I.. Help me out here! Moltar?

Space Ghost: (aims his power band at Dave) Screw you all to hell! (brings his finger near the button)

Dave Thomas: Okay.

Space Ghost: (still aiming, ready to blast, with teeth clenched)

Dave Thomas: How's it goin', Zorak?

Zorak: Awesome, Dave.

Space Ghost: (still aiming) I'm serious!

Dave Thomas: Give it your best shot, big boy.

Space Ghost: (blasts Dave with his power bands, but the blasts are deflected)

Dave Thomas: (chuckles) Think you need to take that in to the shop.

Space Ghost: (flies off)

Dave Thomas: (chuckles)

(Color swirly transition effect; back at the Hole of Justice)

Space Ghost: Y'all in there? (Snakefish peers over the edge of the hole, in inviso mode) I know you're in there.

Snakefish: (invisos in) No, I, I was just testing it.

Space Ghost: Where is everyone?

Snakefish: They're... they're out saving stuff.

Space Ghost: I hope they save their appetites! Because I just ordered us a large pizza! Y'all like pizza, don't ya?

Snakefish: Yeah. (the others peer over the hole's edit, in inviso mode) They won't be back for, like, a year. They're way out on Mars. (points up)

Space Ghost: That's funny, I came by Mars on my way over, and it doesn't have any life! (moves toward Snakefish, the others duck down)

Snakefish: Oh, gee, look, look, you really... you gotta go.

Space Ghost: I know you're invisible in there! Ya fat babies!

(Back in the studio)

Moltar: Okay, you ready?

Dave Thomas: Yeah.

Moltar: Alright! Start the music! (music starts, then he swings by on a rope) Whoa! (he lets go of the rope, and crashes off screen; smoke and flames erupt)

Dave Thomas: Zorak, comments?

Zorak: I'd say that... probably killed him.

Moltar: Oh, I'm not dead, I'm not dead, check it out. I can do that better, though.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt. (walks in front of Zorak's keyboard pod, toward desk) I'm just Space Ghost, the guy the show's named after.

Dave Thomas: Welcome mat is out for you, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Nobody talk to me or look at me.

Zorak: Alright, we won't. (drinks from his coffee cup)

Moltar: You want to get out of the shot? (camera zooms in on Dave)

Space Ghost: (stepping between the camera and monitor, out of focus) Am I in the way here? Gosh, I hope not. (camera pans off of Space Ghost, he moves in front of it again)

Dave Thomas: You're kind of a one-trick pony, aren't you, Space Ghost (laughing)

Space Ghost: (continues trying to stay in front of the camera, as Moltar moves it) I didn't realize it was my show.

Dave Thomas: Take your time, Space Ghost, I got all day. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Well, I don't, Dave. (camera zooms back) Because I am a busy man. (flies off)

Zorak: Hey, Dave... where'd you get that blazer?

Dave Thomas: Well...

Space Ghost: (walks across stage with his arms full of rolls of toilet paper) (voice muffled) I'm back.

Dave Thomas: Sorry to hear that. Anything I could help you with?

Space Ghost: Yeah. You can help me with this toilet paper. (drops all the rolls, intentionally) Because I'm going back to your Earth and roll the entire godforsaken planet. Starting with Snakefish and his stupid Hole of Justice. Because I'm better than them, aren't I.

Dave Thomas: Well...

Space Ghost: I'm a super-hero, AND a super-artist.

Dave Thomas: I sense sometimes a little insecurity, maybe a little kind of self-identify problem.

Space Ghost: (pause) So.. you think I have a problem.

Dave Thomas: Not specifically, but it's always good to keep an open mind about it...

Zorak: Well, I'll open his mind.

Space Ghost: Oh, with what? I hammer? You were gonna say that, I know.

Zorak: That's not what I was gonna say!

Space Ghost: Well then, with what? What was it gonna be? What sort of carpenter's tool were you gonna use on my skull?

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: I know you said it!

Dave Thomas: Have you ever...

Space Ghost: He said it, Dave.

Dave Thomas: Have you ever seen a... not a shrink, maybe just a counselor...

Space Ghost: All the time, in Jerusalem. Wait, what?

Dave Thomas: Oh, never mind.

Space Ghost: No, no, come on, I'm listening.

Dave Thomas: Somebody who might be able to sit in a nice zero-gravity environment with you, and the two of you could kind of lob questions back and forth...

Zorak: Like me?

Space Ghost: Yeah, like Zorak.

Dave Thomas: No, not like Zorak. Somebody who reads.

Space Ghost: Moltar has an education. A doctorate, it says so on his degree, right Moltar?

Moltar: Show me your hiney!

Dave Thomas: No, not like Moltar. Somebody who has an education...

Moltar: Show me the hiney!!

Space Ghost: No, he does have an education.

Moltar: I wanna see it.

Dave Thomas: Making a suggestion here. You hire someone, for a hundred and five bucks an hour...

Space Ghost: How about you?

Dave Thomas: What about me?

Space Ghost: (does his power band move thing) You do it, I command it.

Dave Thomas: (leans back) Alright. Let's give it a whirl.

Zorak: (backward speech: "He doesn't know what he's doing.")

Dave Thomas: How do you feel about yourself, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Oh, I would have to say that I'm the bomb. A Number 1.

Dave Thomas: Okay. What's wrong with being number 2?

Space Ghost: (silence)

Dave Thomas: Did I ask you a ridiculously hard question?

Space Ghost: You did?

Dave Thomas: Let's go back to number 1 then.

Space Ghost: Yes, and let's start calling me number 1.

Dave Thomas: And as number 1...

Space Ghost: A Number 1. The bomb.

Dave Thomas: You ever feel like you'd like to have someone to talk to?

Moltar: (offscreen) SHOW ME THE HINEY!!

Zorak: Put your pants on!

Dave Thomas: I mean, other than Zorak and Moltar.

Space Ghost: (quietly) You mean like, um, like girls?

Dave Thomas: (smiles and nods) Yeah, girls.

Space Ghost: I don't need no woman, banging on the bathroom door, saying she has to go to the bathroom, when I'm in the bathroom. It's my bathroom!

Dave Thomas: I think you've been out here a little too long.

Zorak: Yeah, go out to the dumpster, where it's beautiful.

Space Ghost: No.

Zorak: It's beautiful, man. You will so love it.

Space Ghost: No. It's cold. At the dumpster.

Dave Thomas: It's gonna get a lot colder, too, if you keep staying out here by yourself. C'mon! Live a little.

Space Ghost: Well, I like to dance.

Dave Thomas: No kiddin'! Well, that's a start.

Space Ghost: I mean... REALLY like to dance.

Dave Thomas: Hm mm. Well, that's what a lot of teenage girls do when they're growing up, but you're number 1. You gotta get beyond that.

Space Ghost: Well, let's start calling me number 1, how about that?

Dave Thomas: Listen, I didn't come here to make you feel bad, I have tremendous respect for you, Space Ghost. But, under the category heading of self-improvement, there's always room, even at the top, to make yourself a little better.

Space Ghost: Well, thanks Dave. I never thought about it that way. Never thought about anything except for... [I never thought about anything.]

Dave Thomas: Zorak, Moltar, (nods in their direction) take care of this guy. He's lonely.

Space Ghost: Zorak, Moltar, hop in the cruiser. We're gonna roll Earth.

Moltar: No way, man.

Zorak: Yeah, Dave and I are goin' out for a drink.

Dave Thomas: Oh, am I?

Moltar: Oh, me too, I'm goin' too. Right?

Zorak: Yeah, don't you remember? I was talkin' about us goin' out? Uh, takin' Moltar maybe?

Dave Thomas: (nods) I do.

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: (taps his cards) Uh, okay if I come?

Zorak: No, uh, we're all sick. (fake cough) See ya! (runs off stage)

(The studio monitor raises and is gone; then the studio lights go out. Space Ghost is all alone)

(Credits roll with nifty music)

(Space Ghost is back at the Hole of Justice, in his own hole)

Space Ghost: It's a free country.

Snakefish: Then feel free to bite my ass, huh?

Space Ghost: Yeah, bring your snake ass over here and say that!

Snakefish: I just did, and you didn't do anything!

Space Ghost: I'll do whatever I want, it's a free country.

(One of the other villains is sneaking up on Space Ghost in inviso mode)

Snakefish: (laughs)

Space Ghost: What's so funny? (The villain jumps Space Ghost) Aaah!

Snakefish: Yeah!

Guest Star
Dave Thomas
Written by
Matt Maiellaro
Dave Willis
George Lowe
Clay Croker
Edited by
Michael Cahill
Line Producer
Vishal Roney
Re Recording Mixer
Roy Clements
Production Assistant
John Brestan
Head Writer
Matt Maiellaro
Supervising Producer
Dave Willis
Executive Producers
Keith Crofford
Mike Lazzo

© 2001 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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