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Title:Waiting for Edward
Original Air Date:December 25, 1998
Guest Star:Denis Leary

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Waiting (for a really really long time)

(Zorak is riding on Space Ghost's shoulders)

Zorak: Yah! Yah!

Space Ghost: Hang on, Zorak, hang -

Waiting (again briefly)

(In control room, Moltar throws the lever, a black and white photo of a bald man wearing a tie appears on monitor, followed by a test pattern with a "7", followed by Denis Leary)

Denis Leary: Moltar, how are ya?

Moltar: This is how I am, Denis. (pulls lever) I'm destroying the planet. (klaxon siren in background)

Denis Leary: Get outta here.

Moltar: Yeah. And I'm havin' a sale, too.

Voice: Seven minutes, twenty seven seconds until total devastation.

Moltar: Whattya think about that?

Denis Leary: Now you, you overstep your, your boundaries when it comes to power.

Moltar: How about a free kick in the throat?

Denis Leary: See what I'm saying?

Moltar: (throws lever, sends Denis to the studio monitor) Bah! (laughs)

Space Ghost: (invisos in to control room) Moltar, are you trying to destroy the - Oooh! Are you having another Total Devastation sale? (looks at sign:)

Total
Devastation
SALE!!

Take an additional 30%
off all men's outerwear!

Moltar: Yup! Everything must go.

Space Ghost: I don't have any money! (punches Moltar in the face)

(Moltar and Space Ghost proceed to punch each other rock'em sock'em style)

(In the studio; Denis is already on the monitor)

Zorak: Wow! Denis Leary! I've seen all your movies!

Denis Leary: Thank you, thank you.

Zorak: I didn't think they were very good. (Beat) What'd you think?

(In the control room; Space Ghost is lying on the floor, Moltar is standing on his back)

Space Ghost: Ooh! Get off my back!

Moltar: (laughs, hops onto his head) Ooh, sorry! (laughs)

Space Ghost: My head! This is going in your file! (invisos out, Moltar drops to the floor)

(In the studio)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Hello! I'm Space Ghost!

Zorak: And I'm Zorak.

Space Ghost: Nobody cares who you are, Zorak.

Zorak: (BEAT) Man, you're wrong about that.

Space Ghost: (Beat) Okay, okay, everybody pipe down. Guest is here, it's interview time. (invisos to desk while Zorak plays cheesy funky organ music; Space Ghost plays with his inviso control, fading in and out for about fifteen seconds, until music stops)

Space Ghost: I like that that happened. (Beat) I'm gonna do that again. (Music starts again, Space Ghost resumes invisoing in and out) (moans) Denis...

Denis Leary: Hi, how are ya?

Space Ghost: (still invisoing in and out) Good, good, and you?

Denis Leary: Oh, okay, good.

Space Ghost: Mmmm. (finally finishes invisoing in) (sighs) Ah, there we are. Denis, are you a leprechaun?

Denis Leary: No, there's no such thing as leprechauns. (sips water)

Space Ghost: Oh, yeah, yeah, I was gonna say.

Denis Leary: Mm hm.

Space Ghost: (looks at his card) Okay then... well, that's all I got. We done here?

Zorak: (NODS)

Denis Leary: Uh, I have one question for you, have you ever thought of taking a vacation and - (Space Ghost is walking towards Zorak's pod) You're not listenin'.

Space Ghost: (to Zorak) Say, what's this thing?

Zorak: Don't touch it, it's mine!

Space Ghost: When did you get this?

Zorak: I've had it.

Space Ghost: (presses a keyboard key, a riff plays) You didn't tell me this was a synthesizer! (plays a few other keys) It has samples! Hey, get out of there, scoot over!

Zorak: Hey, quit, quit shovin'!

Space Ghost: Mine! My turn!

Zorak: Jerk!

Space Ghost: (sitting in pod; he sings his lines while he plays a melody on the keyboard) 'Hey Denis, what brings you to these parts?'

Denis Leary: Uhhhh... you asked me to appear on the show, so I -

Space Ghost: I did? Oh yeah! (sings and plays) 'I did, didn't I?'

Denis Leary: I'm actually doing this as a sort of a, uh, a payback for my kids, 'cause they're big fans of your show. I don't really watch the show, and I'm not really a big fan, I don't think you're that funny, quite frankly.

Space Ghost: (sings and plays) 'Not that funny, eh?'

Denis Leary: Well, my kids watch the show, so I'm on the show 'cause it'll please my kids.

Space Ghost: (sings and plays) 'So the feelings of your stupid kids are more important than mine.'

Denis Leary: Yeah.

Space Ghost: (stops playing, walks over to studio monitor) Who do you think you are?

Denis Leary: I think the universe knows who I am, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Then who do you think the universe knows I am, Denis?

Denis Leary: Space Ghost, and I'm Denis Leary, of course. Master of the universe.

Space Ghost: (sitting at desk) (laughs) Master?! I know one or two guys who might disagree with you. (whispers) Master!

Denis Leary: Like who?

Space Ghost: Yoda.

Denis Leary: Okay, who else, on the list?

Space Ghost: (Beat) Star wars.

Denis Leary: Okay, so let's say that I'm, uh... master of the -

Space Ghost: You're sure you're not a leprechaun?

Denis Leary: (Beat) I'm too tall to be a leprechaun.

Space Ghost: Okay, okay. 'Cause I was gonna say, you're the worst leprechaun that we've ever had on the show.

Denis Leary: Look, look, here's the bottom line...

Space Ghost: Ho- hold on. (flies off)

Denis Leary: (to Zorak) You have Madonna's new album?

Zorak: (hisses)

Denis Leary: Somebody's buyin' it.

(In the control room, Lokar is on Moltar's monitor)

Lokar: Have you any dangerously sequinned hot pants?

Moltar: Um... no.

Lokar: Perchance a scented thong?

Moltar: I have some underwear that's scented, but... I don't think it's what you're lookin' for.

Lokar: Oh... gorgeous!

(In the studio, Space Ghost bounds back to his chair, sporting a crude drawn-on mustache)

Space Ghost: (whispers) Hey, Denis! (normal Voice) Notice anything... different?

Denis Leary: Nope.

Space Ghost: About my face?

Denis Leary: We don't really care.

Space Ghost: Hey, Zorak.

Zorak: (sporting a toucan beak)

Space Ghost: (Beat) (sighs) Anybody else have any questions for Denis? (Beat) Anyone? Anyone? (mustache is gone) Anyone?

Moltar: (marches out, slams cards down on Space Ghost's desk) Try this one.

Space Ghost: (reading card) "Nice jacket Fonzie." (to Moltar) And you want me to say this?

Moltar: (nods)

Space Ghost: Out loud. To Denis.

Moltar: Go on.

Space Ghost: I don't think so.

Moltar: (groans in disgust) Sit on it! (walks off stage)

Denis Leary: Hey, lay off.

Space Ghost: That's my arch-enemy, Denis.

Denis Leary: Mm hm.

Space Ghost: Who are your arch-enemies? And don't say me.

Denis Leary: You.

Space Ghost: (does spit take on camera lens; audience laughs) Me?! (spits again, audience laughs again) Me?!?! (laughs) One more... (spits again, this time it's blood; audience gasps) Uh oh. (gulps)

Denis Leary: Aside from you, uh... Dr. Katz, another animated figure.

Space Ghost: Why don't you just launch him into the deep recesses of space?

Denis Leary: If I could.

Space Ghost: Oh, that's right, you're a smoker.

Denis Leary: Who's the last person you, you've launched into the deep recesses of... of space?

Space Ghost: My friend Edward.

Denis Leary: Why couldn't you do that with, say, Celine Dion?

Space Ghost: Oh no, I don't think Edward would approve of that.

Denis Leary: Not extremely powerful, I must say. (sips water)

Space Ghost: (Beat) I beat up Charlton Heston once.

Denis Leary: When?

Space Ghost: Over the holidays.

Denis Leary: In your one-dimensional world, you beat up Charlton Heston.

Space Ghost: Yeah, I hit him over the head with some books.

Denis Leary: So, you're actually bragging about beating up a man who must be in his late eighties, is that correct?

Space Ghost: Uh, late eighties, early nineties.

(In the control room, Brak is on Moltar's monitor)

Brak: You have any farmer stuff?

Moltar: No.

Brak: You have any astronaut stuff?

Moltar: Uh...

Brak: You have any melba toast? 'Cause that's what I want.

Moltar: (trying to break in) I got - (sighs)

Brak: I'd also like an army of rabbits, some tar, a glass hat, a book about lightning, a magical fortress made of rainbows...

Moltar: (trying to interrupt) Brak... Brak... Brak!!!

Brak: Yes?

Moltar: How're you gonna pay for all this?

Brak: With rocks.

Moltar: (shouts) I hope you die before your wedding!

Brak: What? I'm not gettin' mar- (Moltar throws lever, sending him away)

(In the studio)

Space Ghost: I guess my greatest fear would be to find myself hopelessly attracted to one of my coworkers.

(Camera zooms back to show Zorak sitting on Space Ghost's lap)

Space Ghost: What are you doing?

Zorak: That'll be ten dollars.

Space Ghost: Get off!

Zorak: (bounds away) You can owe me.

Space Ghost: Denis, what's your greatest fear?

Denis Leary: Probably, having to have my own... show on prime cable.

Space Ghost: Hey, do you wanna move in with me?

Denis Leary: No thank you.

Space Ghost: Well, then how would you like to help out around the set?

Denis Leary: Naw, that's okay.

Space Ghost: You sure?

Denis Leary: Yep!

Space Ghost: Maybe you could overcome your fears.

Denis Leary: I really have a packed schedule.

Space Ghost: We've got some exclusive interviews coming up.

Denis Leary: Yeah, I've got - with who?

Space Ghost: (Beat) My friend Edward.

Denis Leary: Yeah? And who else?

Space Ghost: Um...

Zorak: Denis Leary.

Space Ghost: That's right, Denis Leary, thank you Zorak.

Denis Leary: Mm hm.

Zorak: You can owe me.

Space Ghost: Lots of big names.

Denis Leary: Yup.

Space Ghost: Big stuff going on here. (taps cards)

Zorak: Hey! Weren't we supposed to blow -

(BLAM!!!!!)

(Music starts, then slows down and stops)

Later... at camp

(Four kids are sitting on the ground in a field, Space Ghost stands in their midst)

Space Ghost: And so, kids, that's the story of how I saved Christmas. (angrily) Now get back to work, ya fat humps!!


WAITING FOR EDWARD
100 SERIES
GUEST STAR
Denis Leary
SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY
The Cartoon Gang
WRITTEN BY
Matt Harrigan
Matthew Maiellaro
Pete Smith
Dave Willis
EDITORS
Mark Davis
Tom Roche
MUSIC
Sonny Sharrock
Man...or Astro-Man?
The Jim Fortier Project
MUSICIANS
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
Man...or Astro-Man?
Jim Fortier
VOICES
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Andy Merrill
Cheryl Barbour
DESIGN COMPANY
Big Deal Cartoons
ANIMATION DIRECTOR
C. Martin Croker
MUSTACHE BY
Matt's of Midtown
ON-LINE CONFORM
Bob Woodhead
EDIT ASSIST
Reid Jacobson
TALENT COORDINATOR
Nina Bishop
RE-RECORDING MIXER
Bobby Tate
AUDIO SWEETENING
Roy Clements
AUDIO CONFORM
Mark Coddington
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS
Maya McClure
Natali Tesche-Ricciardi
Anne Susan Brown
Michael Lazzo
INTERN
Meagan Clark
SPACE GHOST'S MALE SECRETARY
Nathan Cook
SPECIAL THANKS
Clay Cox
Negashi Harvey
Elijah Kelley
Dominique Robertson
Kaili Rubin
Christmas
ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN
Alex Toth
WEBSITE PRODUCER
Chip Duffey
ASSOCIATE PRODUCER
Vishal Roney
PRODUCER
Matthew Maiellaro
PRODUCER
Pete Smith
PRODUCER
Dave Willis
SUPERVISING PRODUCER
Jim Fortier
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Matt Harrigan
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Keith Crofford

© 1998 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.


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