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Episode:47
Title:Sphinx
Original Air Date:October 17, 1997
Guest Stars:Mike Judge, Harland Williams

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed


BEGIN TRANSMISSION
(Moltar in the control room, with Mike Judge on the monitor)
Moltar:Okay, recording, and... now!
Mike Judge:(in Butthead voice) Space Ghost isn't home right now, (laughs). (changes to Beavis voice) (laughs) Is there something I can help you with? (laughs some more) (normal voice) Okay, there you go.
Moltar:It's not for Space Ghost, it's for me.
Mike Judge:Did you want, I thought you...
Moltar:No, I want one for me.
Mike Judge:(in Beavis voice) Voltar isn't home right now. Leave a message. Beep!
Moltar:No.
Mike Judge:Okay.
Moltar:My name's Moltar.
Mike Judge:(winces) Moltar.
Moltar:Yeah, and, and say some stuff about fire this time.
Mike Judge:(in Beavis voice) Moltar isn't home right now, fire, fire, leave a message.
Moltar:Wait, wait, I, I wanted one with Butthead.
Mike Judge:(sighs) Another one?
Moltar:Yeah.
Zorak:Hey, do one for me!
Mike Judge:Okay, who's it for?
Zorak:(pokes his head into control room) Zorak!
Moltar:Do him and me!
Zorak:Me and him.
Moltar:And make it funny this time.
Mike Judge:(in Beavis voice) Zorak isn't here, Moltar isn't here, leave a message. (does the finger & lips thing)
Moltar:No, make it funny!
Mike Judge:(in Hank Hill voice) Zo-, Zorak and Noltar...
Moltar:Moltar.
Mike Judge:(disgusted) Ah! Forget it.
Moltar:No, no, no, no, no!
Mike Judge:Get what's-his-name to do a message for ya. (starts to walk off)
Moltar:Sit down, you gore belly rump dead foot licker! We're not done yet!
(Opening theme & titles)
Space Ghost:(invisos in) Greetings, all. Space Ghost is my name, and animated comedy-style interview programs based in outer space are my game. Joining me tonight are craven fat kidneyed flirt gill Harland Williams, and unmuscled sheep biting mold warp Mike Judge.
Zorak:Have you seen my tail?
Space Ghost:Your what?
Zorak:My tail. Some joker cut it off!
Space Ghost:You don't have a tail!
Zorak:I know, because some joker cut it off!
Space Ghost:Calm down, Zorak.
Zorak:You calm down! Did you eat it?
Space Ghost:Why would I eat your stupid tail, I didn't even know ya had one!
Zorak:Moltar?
Moltar:I didn't eat it. I don't even like tail.
Zorak:Oh, wait, here it is. (pause) It's not a tail after all...
Space Ghost:Play me to the desk.
Zorak:It's a wacky fun slippery slide!
(MoA music plays Space Ghost to the desk. Space Ghost invisos to his desk; Moltar and Zorak whoop it up in the background)
Moltar:Whoa, whoa!
Zorak:Wooo hoo hoo!
Moltar:Hey, check this out! (slides by)
Space Ghost:All right, put the wacky fun slippery slide away.
Zorak:Whee-eeeeee! (slides by)
Moltar:(crash!) My knee!
Space Ghost:Please welcome my first guest, citizen Harland Williams
Harland Williams:(monitor lowers from ceiling) (yodels)
Space Ghost:Greetings, Harland!
Harland Williams:Hello there... Billy.
Space Ghost:My name is not...
Moltar:Wheeeeeeeee! (slides by)
Space Ghost:... Billy.
Harland Williams:Oh. (winks)
Space Ghost:It's Space Ghost.
Harland Williams:'kay, Billy. Gotcha. (winks again)
Space Ghost:Hey, hey, don't call me Billy.I do not care for the name Billy.
Harland Williams:Space Ghost, you... you're a little, uh, rambunctious today.
Space Ghost:How would you like it if I pulled down your pants and spanked your bare bottom right here in front of Zorak, Moltar and everybody!
Harland Williams:I'll say one word about y- that: naughty.
Space Ghost:Naughty?
Harland Williams:Naughty. (points) Naughty Space Ghost.
Space Ghost:What do you mean?
Harland Williams:There's naughty stuff goin' on in your head, you probably have, like, daydreams about pomegranates, and ...
Space Ghost:(hears "pomegranates" with echo effect)
Harland Williams:Sea fleece.
Space Ghost:(hears "sea fleece" with same echo effect)
Harland Williams:Timber.
Space Ghost:(hears "chocolate chip cookie dough" with same echo effect)
Harland Williams:You like wood, don't you?
Space Ghost:Well, sure I do. Who doesn't like wood? Cedar, mahogany, rustic pine. Yes, wood is good food. (smile sparkles)
Harland Williams:Naughty-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y (image & sound get stuck in a loop; continues in the background)
Space Ghost:(laughs) (pause) What's the matter?
Zorak:That's some wacky stuff.
Space Ghost:Moltar!
Moltar:Alright. Uhhhh... hang on. (Harland keeps looping) Uh, is this on the same tape, or...
Space Ghost:Stop! (blasts Harland with his destructo ray)
Harland Williams:(stops looping) God bless you, O black capped whitey legs. D'you have varicose veins?
Space Ghost:No, I don't.
Harland Williams:Y'got big puffy veins, (makes pulsing sounds and motions with his hands) pulsing away like organ grinder monkeys on cheese twists.
Zorak:Yeah, he's got legs like his greasy grannie! (evil laugh)
Space Ghost:That extra grease tacked two years onto her life, thank you very much.
Harland Williams:You ever, uh, rubbed a bar of soap on your grandmother's forehead?
Space Ghost:I... don't think I'll have occasion to, being that she's no longer with us.
Zorak:Why, what would happen?
Harland Williams:Well, you'd have yourself one heck of a sparkling clean grand-mamá.
Space Ghost:Maybe you didn't hear me. My grandmother bought a farm!
Zorak:Really?
Moltar:Cattle or crops?
Space Ghost:She's dead, all right?! I don't want to talk about it!
Zorak:Oops. Back to the veins.
Harland Williams:Tell me about your veins. See, I'm turnin' the questioning around, now tell us about your big, greasy space veins... white legs!
Space Ghost:Harland Williams, I will not hold court to your mischief!
Moltar:Space Ghost! The completion backward principle!
Space Ghost:Uh, completion backwards principle?
Harland Williams:Tell us about the veins! (slurps)
Moltar:Remember? Zorak creates a diversion, while you circumnavigate Ghost Planet at the speed of light...
Harland Williams:That's right, Space Ghost.
Zorak:Causing the planet to reverse its rotation.
Moltar:Which in turn opens a multidimensional chasm. (monitor shows Space Ghost with three screens completely full of text flashing over him, reading, in part:)
Keith Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temp
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
(next screen:)
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
Crofford-Tad Ghostal:Temporary Items:W
CHANGE OR DELETE THE FOLLOWI
>OTHER REASONS FOR HIS ABSENC
>(available in stores September 2 - EX
(next screen:)
Unknown LDI TBS Tur
>WITS-TECHWOOD Turner Broad
>Entertainment Sandi Reid
>Hanna-Barbera
Space Ghost:Thusly causing time to go backwards so that I can redo and/or cancel the interview before the secret of my hideous and spidery varicose veins becomes common knowledge to the general public!
Harland Williams:You see now, Space Ghost?
Space Ghost:Yes! Why didn't I think of it before?
Moltar:You did! You called it the completion backwards principle!
Harland Williams:All hail Space Ghost! And his giant pulsing veiny legs!
Space Ghost:Zorak! Create a diversion!
Zorak:Hey, everybody! Look at me! Do doodley do do, do do da do do...
Space Ghost:(flies off)
Harland Williams:Wh-, where is he?
Zorak:(laughs) Ever see Superman 1?
Harland Williams:Yes.
Zorak:He'll be back in a sec.
Harland Williams:(laughs)
Zorak:(laughs)
Moltar:(laughs)
Space Ghost:(flies back to desk)
Zorak:He's back!
Space Ghost:(out of breath) Greetings! (pants) I (pants) am (pants) Space Ghost.
Harland Williams:What, you wake up with a Winnie the Pooh video in your shorts?
Moltar:Idiot! You went the wrong direction! (screen shows text:)
VELOCITY[?]=SPACE(?)/DONUTS
Space Ghost:Are you sure?
Moltar:We've been on for three hours now!
Zorak:Yeah! I want time and a half!
Space Ghost:Ohhhhh... (falls down onto floor, everybody laughs) I think I pulled too many G's.
Harland Williams:That a boy, Jerry.
Moltar:Jerry! (laughs)
Harland Williams:(waves)
INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION
RESUME TRANSMISSION
Mike Judge:(on Moltar's monitor, in Hank Hill voice) Oh, I tell ya what, that Space Ghost has a nice little patootie on him, don't he? (monitor shows text:)
BED[obscured by M's hand]BROOMSTICKS
Moltar:No!! (throws lever, sends Mike to studio monitor) You make me sick!
(Monitor screen flips through several test patterns, a picture of Adrienne Barbeau from "Jacksonville", and finally shows Mike Judge)
Mike Judge:(in Butthead voice) That was cool! (laughs)
Space Ghost:Identify yourself to the universe.
Mike Judge:I am Mike Judge. I am the creator of B-
Space Ghost:I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know what you do.
Mike Judge:Oh. (laughs)
Space Ghost:Maybe I can help you with your little cartoon deal.
Mike Judge:Uh, yeah, I, I would like to know what I can do to make what I do funnier.
Space Ghost:You should make your show like "Die Hard". Only put it on a bus! And then you should make the guys talk funny and hit each other in the head. And have explosions!
Mike Judge:I, I'm gonna write that down.
Space Ghost:And you should give all the guys in the thing a destructo ray and a freeze ray. And you should make them talk funny and hit each other.
Zorak:(in background) In the head.
Space Ghost:Yeah! In the head!
Mike Judge:Yeah, yeah, destructo ray, freeze ray, that could probably, like, that could put us over the top.
Space Ghost:Then I would come in and save the day! (hums superhero-type theme music)
Mike Judge:Well, um, you know how to get a hold of me.
Space Ghost:Oh, wait, I just remembered! Draw everyone with large muscular lantern-like jaws. Like mine! (jaw sparkles)
Mike Judge:Think if I'd drawn Butthead and Beavis with stronger jaws, and, uh...
Space Ghost:White booties!
Mike Judge:Yeah, white boots, they, they might be funnier and they might score.
Space Ghost:Well, you know what they say, Mike, dames are like mustard. They taste great on a sandwich. But when you're not eating a sandwich, they just sit there in your refrigerator... on a shelf... in a jar... labeled... mustard.
Mike Judge:Oh yeah.
Space Ghost:Okay then. Citizen Mike, give me an infectious laugh that millions will aspire to imitate.
Mike Judge:Well, you know, I actually found a tape of myself trying out different laughs. There was like (does Butthead laugh) and there was like (does monkey-like laugh) and, uh, you know, then, of course (does Beavis laugh). And, uh, if you wanted to have the (does monkey-like laugh) you could probably have that one.
Space Ghost:(Does monkey-like laugh) Will this (does monkey-like laugh) give me the approval of the much sought after 18 to 34 year old demographic?
Mike Judge:No, not really. (laughs) But it's free, though.
Space Ghost:Then I'll take it! Citizen Mike, what are your favorite programs?
Mike Judge:I really like this, I like Space Ghost, man.
Space Ghost:Thank you!
Mike Judge:I like, uh, Space Ghost... And, uh...
Space Ghost:Space Ghost?
Mike Judge:Uh, Space Ghost.
Space Ghost:Thank you once again! How can I repay you for your undying devotion?
Mike Judge:You could go into the cartoon "Rug Rats", and just sorta clean house.
Space Ghost:Yyyou want me to whack the Rug Rats?
Mike Judge:I'll give you a list of some people in the industry that need to be, uh, that need to have this done to 'em.
(Blasts Zorak with his own destructo ray)
Zorak:Aaaaaa!!!
Mike Judge:Sorry.
Zorak:Don't be.
Space Ghost:That was quite a display of superior firepower.
Mike Judge:Can you put a sound effect into this... (blasts Zorak again)
Zorak:Noooo!!!
Mike Judge:... to make us equal?
Space Ghost:Sure thing...
Zorak:Wait a minute...
Space Ghost:Moltar?
Moltar:(throws lever)
Mike Judge:(in superhero/Hank Hill voice) What special powers do you have to help fight the insanity? (blasts Zorak again)
Zorak:No, wait... Aaaaaaa!
Space Ghost:No, listen: What special powers do you have to help stop the insanity? (blasts Zorak)
Zorak:Nooooooo!!
Mike Judge:You're right, let me try that again.
Zorak:Hold it, gimme just a sec.
Mike Judge:(Blasts Zorak again) What special powers do you have to help stop the insanity?
Zorak:All right, stop it!!! It hurts, okay?!
Space Ghost:Hmmm, I dunno.
Mike Judge:Well, let's hear you do Butthead.
Space Ghost:(completely straight voice) Ha ha ha, ha, ha ha. My name is Butthead, my head is a giant human butt. Ha, ha ha.
Mike Judge:And how about Beavis?
Space Ghost:(also in straight voice) Shut up, Butt land, my name is Beavis. How was that?
Zorak:(in background) Fab-oh!
Mike Judge:Yyyeah, yeah, that was... well, that was great.
Space Ghost:Oh, I'm good, baby.
Mike Judge:I'd like to hear Zorak do Beavis.
Zorak:I'd like to hear Mike Judge shut up!
Mike Judge:(looks shocked)
Space Ghost:Ooooh, did you hear that, Mike.
Mike Judge:Well, tell him I'd like to tie the long hair on his head to the short hair on his nose and kick him down the street, okay?
Zorak:Bring it on, you son of a carpenter.
Space Ghost:Knock it off, guys. Come on.
Mike Judge:(In Skeletor, from He-Man, voice) The power scepter is mine now, Beast Man!
Zorak:That's my tail!
Mike Judge:You betcha.
Zorak:Gimme back my tail!
Moltar:Wheeeeee! (slides by)
Mike Judge:(in Beavis' Cornholio voice) Are you threatening me?
Zorak:You've got my tail!
Space Ghost:All right, everybody. Just stop!
Mike Judge:(stares back)
Zorak:(stares back)
Moltar:(slides by) Wo wo wo wo...
Space Ghost:Thanks for stopping by, Mike.
Mike Judge:(in Hank Hill voice) Boy, I tell ya what, it don't get any better'n this.
Space Ghost:Nope! It sure doesn't.
Mike Judge:(in Beavis voice) (laughs) Boy! (laughs) It doesn't get any better than this! (laughs) Yeah!
Space Ghost:You hit the nose on the head, compadre! It just doesn't get any better than this!
Mike Judge:(in Butthead voice) Uh, it doesn't get any better than this? (laughs)
Space Ghost:No, it doesn't. And there you have it, folks.
Mike Judge:(in Buzzcut voice) Boy, it doesn't get any better than this!
Space Ghost:Mike...
Mike Judge:(in Mr. Van Driesen voice) You know, it really doesn't get any better than this, mm-kay?
Space Ghost:Mmm-kay! Thanks for being on the...
Mike Judge:(in Principal McVickers voice) (wheezes) It doesn't get any better than this. (wheezes)
Space Ghost:Mike... Mike!!
Mike Judge:(in Butthead voice) Uh... (in normal voice) What's that?
Space Ghost:I have to go home now.
(Credits roll)
Mike Judge:Here's Tom Anderson: "Boy, I tell ya what." Here's Hank Hill: "Boy, I tell ya what." It's a big difference.

GUEST STARS
Mike Judge
Harland Williams
WRITER
Dave Willis
EDITORS
Jon Schnepp
(inverted) Tom Roche
MUSIC
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Man...or Astroman?
MUSICIANS
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
Man...or Astroman?
VOICES
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
DESIGN COMPANY
Big Deal Cartoons
ANIMATION DIRECTOR
C. Martin Croker
3D ANIMATOR
Derald Hunt
ART DIRECTOR
Randall Lane
ON-LINE CONFORM
Jay Bellissimo
AUDIO CONFORM
Mark Coddington
EDIT ASSIST
Paul Wilson
RE-RECORDING MIXER
Roy Clements
PRODUCTION MANAGER
Kaili Rubin
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR
Vishal Roney
TALENT COORDINATOR
Isabel Gonzalez
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS
Gus Jordan
Maya McClure
Ben Morgan
SPACE GHOST'S MALE SECRETARY
Nathan Cook
SPECIAL THANKS
Carolina Pictures
Steve Tseckares
ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN
Alex Toth
LINE PRODUCER
Greg Harrison
LINE PRODUCER
Jim Fortier
PRODUCER
Pete Smith
PRODUCER
Andy Merrill
PRODUCER
Chip Duffey
SUPERVISING PRODUCER
Dave Willis
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Keith Crofford
SHOES
Michael Lazzo

© 1997 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.


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