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Episode:30
Title:Late Show
Original Air Date:October 23, 1996
Guest Stars:Janeane Garofolo, Dave Grohl, Flip Orley, John Popper

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:WAITING

(Opening theme, with spiffy new titles, and Letterman-type band music in background. )

Announcer: From the Ghost Planet, try our famous pecan log! It's Space Ghost, Coast to Coast! Tonight, Janeane Garofolo, hypnotist Flip Orley, Foo Fighter Dave Grohl, and John Popper. (camera zooms in on building and flies through the window, breaking the glass, then it flies down the hall toward the studio) Plus Zorak and the Original Way Outs. And now, the ghost who put the word "host" in Space Ghost, (with echo, as in original cartoon show) Spaaaaace Ghooooost! (audience applause)

Space Ghost: Hello, and welcome to the big show, kids. I'm your host Space Ghost, but please feel free to call me... Space. (Zorak plays the organ)

(Studio audience continues to applaude; they are all mantises, including one extremely ugly one in the front row)

Zorak: You are one nutty fabulous cuckoo, hi-yo... (cough) Well, you know.

Space Ghost: And now I'd like to harvest a bumper crop of belly laughs with some hilarious opening joke statements. So, uh, I'm coming to work, and my friction detector sense a strange force invading my personal perimeter. Turns out it was just a lonely fat guy rubbing up against me. (rim shot) Ha, heh, hee hee! Oh, man. (Zorak plays the keys) Got that, Zorak? "Friction detector."

Zorak: (laughs) Friction detector!

Space Ghost: Jerry, Jerry, can we get a close-up of that guy over there? Hey, hey, Zorak! Get a load of that guy. Yow! (closeup of ugly mantis)

Zorak: Yes!

Space Ghost: You is one ugly space dude! (Ugly mantis looks sad, then a tear trickles down his cheek)

Zorak: Oh, that's cold!

Space Ghost: Now, I have a special message for any intelligent life forms that may be receiving this television signal trillions of light-years away, in the farthest reaches of the universe. (pause) (Italian accent) Hey, how ya doin', kids?

Zorak: (plays the keys)

(Shot of studio audience)

Space Ghost: Moltar, get me a close-up of the hem of my cape.

(Camera shows close-up of Space Ghost's cape)

Space Ghost: Is it me, or this cape hanging low? Is it me? I mean, I'm practically dusting the linoleum.

Zorak: Dusting the linoleum, sir!

Space Ghost: Can I get some scissors out here? Scissors?

Zorak: Scissors? Hi-yo!

Space Ghost: Scissors, please? Scissors? Scissors! Scissors, please!

Moltar: (in control room) He knows they won't let him have scissors.

Space Ghost: Now, ladies and gentlemen, do me a favor and put your hands together and say hello to Zorak. Or, or as we say in Indiana, Zoo-rake.

Zorak: (plays the keys)

(Shot of silent studio audience)

Space Ghost: They're like a bunch of stunned carp out there. Uh, Zorak, you have a special surprise for us?

Zorak: Yes I do, pinhead!

Space Ghost: Go on with your bad self!

Zorak: Pinhead!

Space Ghost: Again!

Zorak: Pinhead, pinhead, pinhead!

Space Ghost: (laughs) Who has more fun on their little cartoon show than us?

Zorak: I hate you.

Space Ghost: Zorak, ladies and gentlemen. Zorak!

Zorak: Okay! Tonight, sitting in with the band, from Blues Traveller, it's John Popper!

(Monitor lowers on bandstand with John)

John Popper: (plays blues harp and sings)
Here's a little story,
About a certain talk show host,
He goes by the moniker, that's French,
of monsieur Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (laughs) That mouth harp is catchy, John! How d'ya operate it?

John Popper: It's a lot like life, you have to blow, and you have to suck.

Zorak: Oh boy...

Space Ghost: (Something harmonica boy said; there could be a joke in there. If only I could reformulate it, and throw it back to him. Hmmmm...)

Moltar: It's officially a lull.

Space Ghost: (I know!) Where's my pineapple?

Zorak: (plays the keys)

Space Ghost: (Italian accent) Hey, kids, how's it goin'?

Zorak: (plays the keys)

Space Ghost: Uh, now it's time for a quiz. Zorak, do you have a little quiz music?

Zorak: Uh uh. I'm shedding my exoskeleton.

Space Ghost: I told you to shed before the show.

Zorak: Ahhhh! It's so itchy!

Space Ghost: (motions toward destructo ray button, aiming at Zorak)

Zorak: (starts playing quiz music)

(camera is on Zorak playing)

Space Ghost: Question number one - This man is:
A: The Lone locust of the Apocalypse
B: The Last of the Red Hot Mamas
C: An Aphid munching Geranium Jockey
And the answer is... (John plays the harmonica) the answer is... and the answer is...

John Popper: (moves hands as if playing drums) Bom bom bom bom...

Space Ghost: And the answer is...

Zorak: (plays the keys)

Space Ghost: ... not circled on my card. Let's move on, shall we?

Zorak: (plays more quiz music)

(picture of Bill Clinton look-alike eating)

Space Ghost: Savvy New Yorkers recognize this man as:
A: A city worker on a break
B: A boat show visitor
C: John Popper's less successful brother, Pudgy Popper

John Popper: Oh, it's that kind of show!

Moltar: Oh, great! Cue the singing frog, camera one.

(Nifty Ghost Planet Industries building bumper)

(Nifty Ghost Planet Industries building bumper)

Space Ghost: All righty! Time for tonight's Big Ten List. (applause)

(Music and snazzy graphic with spinning numbers from 1 to 10, ending with "Space Ghost BIG 10 LIST" graphic at end)

(Each item appears on the screen, from the bottom up)

Space Ghost: Here we go, kids. Number ten: (drum roll) Larry King's left suspender. Number four: Hydroponic Culkins. Number seventeen: Everywhere you look - Dizzy Whip. Y'know, I don't think there's a man, woman or child (drum roll stops) on the face of the earth today that doesn't enjoy a steamin' cold mug full o' Dizzy Whip.

Zorak: Dizzy Whip, sir!

Space Ghost: Number six: (drum roll) Gillooly's butt. Number three sixty-one: A derby full of Nyquil. And number one: (tympani roll) Two words.

(Final screen contents:)
SPACE GHOST
BIG TEN LIST
1. TWO WORDS
361. A DERBY FULL OF NYQUIL
6. GILLOOLY'S BUTT
17. EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK -- DIZZY WHIP
4. HYDROPONIC CULKINS
10. LARRY KING'S LEFT SUSPENDER

Space Ghost: (sniff) Uh, that's it. We have any music here?

Zorak: (plays Mexican hat dance excerpt)

Space Ghost: It's getting like a Mexican game show in here.

Zorak: (growls) íTe detesto! (also as subtitle)

Space Ghost: Hey kids, do you like the rock and roll? Then say hello to Erma Bombeck.

Zorak: (plays the keys)

Space Ghost: (talking to someone off-camera) Wha... Are you sure? (to camera) Oh dear. Well then, please welcome Janeane Garofolo.

Zorak: (plays the keys)

(Monitor lowers with Janeane)

Space Ghost: You're Janeane Garofolo. Quick, who am I?

Janeane Garofolo: Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Are you sure you're not Uma or Oprah?

Janeane Garofolo: (laughs, then coughs)

Space Ghost: ("Killing me Softly" in background) Uma... Oprah... Oprah... Uma...

Zorak: (singing) Killing me softly with his jokes...

Space Ghost: What about Kukla or Kinko?

Janeane Garofolo: Zorak wants us to (motions with her hand and whispers) wrap it up.

Space Ghost: Zorak can lick my center of gravity.

Zorak: Not even with Moltar's tongue.

Moltar: (in control room) Technically speaking, it's an oblong titanium slat.

Space Ghost: Anyways, getting back to...

Zorak: What are your secret powers?

Janeane Garofolo: I have the amaaazing ability to forget people's, uh, names, after meeting them even a number of times.

Space Ghost: Quick, who am I?

Janeane Garofolo: Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Wrong. My name is Luca, I live on the second floor.

Janeane Garofolo: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (She is one happenin' lady.) Janeane, you are one happenin' lady.

Janeane Garofolo: Thank you.

Space Ghost: Describe your ideal man.

Janeane Garofolo: Deep resonant voice.

Space Ghost: Booming?

Janeane Garofolo: Booming voice.

Space Ghost: Beefy?

Janeane Garofolo: Beefy burly voice.

Space Ghost: Big chunks o' beef and noodles, like a stroganoff?

Janeane Garofolo: Don't forget the cheese.

Space Ghost: Yes, cheese! Delicious cheese!

Moltar: Feta cheese.

Zorak: Fuzzy cheese.

Moltar: Quease cheese.

Zorak: (plays the keys)

Space Ghost: Cheese. It's what's for dinner. (Italian accent) Hey, how ya doin', kids?

Zorak: (plays the keys)

Space Ghost: If you could date anyone, and I mean anyone, who would it be?

Janeane Garofolo: Ummm... Catwoman and Pat Buchanan.

Space Ghost: (laughs) Janeane, this is a family show. Please keep your hippy-time freak-out love jams to yourself.

Janeane Garofolo: (shrugs)

Space Ghost: (clears his throat) Let's answer our viewer mail. (intro music) This is an actual response to actual letters from actual viewers. (looks at letter) No, No, No, No, Maybe, No, Uh uh, Good Lord no!, No, and Maybe. Quick, Janeane, do some comedy.

Janeane Garofolo: (tries to lean on her elbow but misses) Whoop!

Space Ghost: (laughs) Whoop, there it is! But seriously, Janeane, tell us the truth about cats and dogs.

Janeane Garofolo: Can't, that gives it away.

Space Ghost: Tell us!

Janeane Garofolo: I'm sorry, you gotta be cleared for that.

Space Ghost: I must know the truth!

Zorak: You want the truth?

Space Ghost: I demand the truth.

Zorak: You can't handle the truth!

Janeane Garofolo: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (stares back, then looks at Zorak and clears his throat)

Zorak: I had a part in the movie, and I, uh, brought a clip.

Space Ghost: Zorak, I had no idea! Go ahead and roll it, Jerry. Yeah, this should be solid gold.

(Picture of animal shelter, with Zorak's silhouette in forground holding a fork and knife. Sound of dogs barking in background)

Zorak: I will devour each and every one of you, that is the truth! Do you know the muffin man? (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: Don't quit your day job, mantis! So Janeane, word on the street is you have tattoos.

Janeane Garofolo: How did you know about that?

Space Ghost: Does that make you cool?

Janeane Garofolo: I think I am, but ask me again in about five minutes.

Space Ghost: I would, but my guess is, ya won't be around.

Janeane Garofolo: I have to go to the bathroom.

Space Ghost: Let me show you the way.

Janeane Garofolo: Thank you, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (blasts her off the monitor with his destructo ray)

Moltar: Oh boy, I'll be hearing from her people.

Zorak: I knew this wasn't gonna work.

(Nifty Ghost Planet Industries building bumper)

(Nifty outer space scene bumper)

Space Ghost: Welcome back, vast North American viewing audience. Now it's time for something we like to call, "Stupid Zorak Tricks". Whadd'ya have cooked up for us tonight, Zorak?

Zorak: I have covered my keyboard with a mucus-y membrane. (shot of keyboard covered in green goo)

Space Ghost: Aaand...

Zorak: And, that's it. Just the mucus-y membrane.

Space Ghost: Right, right. That's not much of a trick, do you have anything else?

Zorak: I could vibrate.

Space Ghost: Uh huh.

Zorak: (vibrates back and forth, with sound effects)

John Popper: Yeah, okay.

Space Ghost: (sucks in breath, puts his head in his hand) Yep, that's money in the bank.

Moltar: Leno has Hugh Grant, and we've got a vibrating insect.

Space Ghost: That's enough, Zorak. You're making us all sick.

Zorak: I'm a little logey myself.

Space Ghost: Well, take a little standing nap. (to audience) For weeks now, my mother has been reporting to us from the desolate surface of the ice planet Zeron. (Mom Ghost appears on monitor, shivering, with ice planet in background) Hi, Mom!

Mom Ghost: Hi, sweetie.

John Popper: Mom!

Space Ghost: She's my mom, not yours!

John Popper: (makes growling sound)

Space Ghost: So tell me, Mom, how's everything going on that remote hunk of frozen rock?

Mom Ghost: (shivering) Fine, honey.

Space Ghost: So, how ya holdin' up in the poisonous ammonia atmosphere?

Mom Ghost: (sighs) Just okay. (shivering) All the radiation makes me tired, and my vital organs are givin' me fits.

Space Ghost: And we all know how painful that can be.

Mom Ghost: I may be askin' for one of your space kidneys soon.

Space Ghost: (laughs) Hang in there, Mom!

Mom Ghost: When can I come home? I'm cold. (shivers)

Space Ghost: Not until sweeps is over. So long, Mom!

Mom Ghost: Bye bye, sugar.

Space Ghost: (laughs) That was Mom, Zorak! Oh, she's something, isn't she?

Zorak: Yes!

Space Ghost: There she goes, kids, that's my mom! (she fades from monitor) (applause) Let's keep it goin' for her. (applause continues) Everybody loves the visits with my mom. And, and I'll tell you straight out, they leave me, jazzed.

Zorak: You feelin' jazzed right now?

Space Ghost: Jazzed, to the max! Zorak, do you feel jazzed?

Zorak: I'm jazzed, baby! Jazz, jazz, jazz-a, jazz, jazz, hi-yo!

Space Ghost: (pause) (aside) Wha? Now what? Are you sure we have time for this? You're positive? (to audience, with less enthusiasm) Hokay. Put your hands together, ladies and gentlemen, for big time Hollywood hypnotist Flip Orley.

Flip Orley: (on monitor) Hey, thanks for having me, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (under his breath) Thank Tony Randall for cancelling. (aloud) So, that's some jacket you got there, Flip. Looks like something the mantis would wear.

Flip Orley: Yeah, and I've got the, the little dingle balls on the, on the jacket, which, obviously, if you look at the dingle balls, very closely, you can actually fall under my power... (keeps talking)

Zorak: Dingle balls, yes!

Space Ghost: (Stay... interested...)

Zorak: I can hear you.

Flip Orley: Have you ever been drunk, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Nope, but I've been jazzed. But right now I'm not jazzed. Nope, not very jazzed.

Flip Orley: Even now, even as we speak?

Space Ghost: (pause) I'm sorry, what?

Flip Orley: (laughs) I guess we'll move on. (laughs)

Space Ghost: (hums to himself) So, uh, how's your summer going?

Flip Orley: Space Ghost, what kind of a dupe do you take me for? What kind of a moron, wha, what do you think I am?

Zorak: What do you think I am?

Space Ghost: Did you say something?

Flip Orley: Uh, we were starting to do an interview.

Zorak: Starting the interview process, yes!

Space Ghost: So, uh, know any good... what is it you do again?

Flip Orley: I can actually make people think I'm invisible, through my hypnotic powers.

Zorak: Hypnotic powers.

Space Ghost: That would be doing us all a favor.

Flip Orley: Wow, that's kind of personal, Space Ghost, isn't it?

Zorak: Yes!

Space Ghost: Let's see... (hums to himself) What else? Hey, are you jazzed?

Flip Orley: Yeah, I, um, I'm jazzed.

Zorak: Yes! I am jazzed!

Space Ghost: Excuse me, won't you, Chip?

Flip Orley: My name is Flip. Flip Orley, Hypno-man.

Space Ghost: Sure, yeah. Zorak, do me a solid and hypnotize this dingle ball into something cool.

John Popper: Put him to sleep.

Zorak: (eyes turn into spiral pattern, rotating counterclockwise) We brellah bing cleeya pakka vinsta loopah sahtah 'teebesta noabrella blah!

(Flip's face distorts and morphs into Dave Grohl's)

Dave Grohl: Thank you.

Space Ghost: Speak to me, oh spirit! Are ya a cool guest come to help us? Or, are ya just another big load?

Dave Grohl: (chewing gum) My name is David Grohl, I play in a band called the Foo Fighters.

Space Ghost: Bingo! Pay dirt! Atta boy, bonanza! Now we're cookin' with gas! I am now once again certifiable jazzed, kids!

Dave Grohl: You're a lucky man.

Space Ghost: And, you're a punk, aren't ya?

Dave Grohl: I'm a punk.

Space Ghost: I knew it. I'm a little bit frightened of you, and I like the feeling. It's all tingly. (Italian accent) Hey, how ya doin', kids?

Zorak: (plays the keys)

Dave Grohl: It's wonderful.

Space Ghost: So, what's the deal with Foo?

Dave Grohl: Foo's good.

Space Ghost: So, you're pro-Foo, and not anti-Foo?

Dave Grohl: We do, not actually fight Foo. We are, the Foo Fighters.

Space Ghost: (laughs) God bless ya, Dave. Now Dave, do you like me?

Dave Grohl: (laughs) I suppose.

Space Ghost: Hear that, Zorak? Dave thinks I'm cute. What do you think of the show, big D?

Dave Grohl: Your show is so great! I just can't even tell you, it's really wonderful! I'd, I'd, my mother watches it, every, every, uh, every night that it's on, whenever it is.

Space Ghost: My mom would watch too, but the ice planet's septic atmosphere has infected her eyes badly, so she can't...

Dave Grohl: I, can't even imagine what your mother would look like.

Space Ghost: She looks like me, with red lipstick.

Zorak: You've been known to wear red lipstick after one too many wine coolers.

Space Ghost: That's it. (blasts Zorak with his destructo ray)

Zorak: Oww! (Popper's monitor goes flying through the explosion) (coughs) You can explain to Charivari what happened to their vest. (coughs) Hi-yo!

Space Ghost: Dave, you are currently touring the galaxy. What other shows have you appeared on?

Dave Grohl: I think that we've performed on the David Letterman show before.

Space Ghost: Whovid Whatterman? Never heard of him.

Dave Grohl: Like, he can't hold a candle to you, Space Ghost, no way.

Space Ghost: Ho, I can hold candles. It's the scissors they won't let me touch. They're afraid I'll hurt my foot again. Y'see, I got this giant blister. Like a door knob!

Zorak: Ewww!

Moltar: (makes gagging noises, walks away from his console)

Space Ghost: And I'm cutting away the dead skin, right? Like a big giant fleshy pancake. Flip, flop, flip, flop, I couldn't walk for seven months! I still wear a smaller bootie on that foot.

Dave Grohl: Mucus is a problem in space, what with the decompression, and comp-, y'know.

Space Ghost: Boy, you're tellin' me! Man, at the end of the day, my suit is filled with it! Come around five, when I take off that suit, it's like a Jell-O mold, squeezin' out. Hey Zorak, you ever get the suit mucus?

Zorak: Suit mucus, yes sir!

John Popper: Does he look all mucus-y?

Zorak: Like an Irish oyster.

Space Ghost: Well, Dave, thanks for coming!

Dave Grohl: (looks around) What?

Space Ghost: Thanks for joining us.

Dave Grohl: (looks around, puzzled)

Space Ghost: That's it. (blasts Dave off of monitor with destructo ray) (applause) Dave Grohl, ladies and gentlemen, there he goes. Now, strap yourselves in, boys and girls, it's time for a special treat. Where's Morty?

Zorak: We had to amputate that infected limb.

Space Ghost: I mean Moltar, where's Moltar?

Moltar: (on Space Ghost's monitor, with outdoors backdrop; he clears his throat)

Space Ghost: Thanks for joining us, Moltar.

Moltar: Yeah.

Space Ghost: (background music) Y'know, folks, from time to time, we like to send our director Moltar into the universe with a hidden camera and earpiece through which I give commands. It's a real hoot! We call it "Fun with Moltar" (superimposed screen title "Fun with Moltar") Here's Moltar at Burger Town, ladies and gentlemen, watch your monitors, and kids, you at home, as usual, use your televisions. Okay, Moltar, say "I'd like some french fries."

Moltar: (standing in front of speakerphone at drive-in) I'd like some french fries?

Space Ghost: "And a strawberry shake."

Moltar: And a strawberry shake.

Space Ghost: Say "That's all," then pay him, then eat the food.

Moltar: What's so funny about this?

Space Ghost: Just do it. Then, we sent Moltar to see the fire serpent.

(Animated fire serpent appears on monitor, from old "Space Ghost" cartoon. Moltar is with the serpent in a cave)

Space Ghost: Say "Hello, my name is Jimmy."

Moltar: Uh, I, I don't know about this.

Space Ghost: "Hello, my name is Jimmy."

Moltar: Hello, my name is Jimmy.

Space Ghost: Now say "Do you want to see me do the jazz box?"

Moltar: What, are you kiddin', he'll murder me!

Space Ghost: Do the jazz box, Moltar.

Moltar: You get out here and dance!

Space Ghost: Do the jazz box, Moltar.

Moltar: But...

Space Ghost: Jazz box, jazz box, jazz box! Start dancin', metal head!

Moltar: Eh! Here goes... (sings and dances) Ink, a dinka dink, a dinka dink, a dinka do...

(Fire serpent advances and breaths flames on him)

Moltar: Aaagh!!! Aaaaagh!!

(Moltar is in flames) (laughter from audience)

Space Ghost: (laughs) Well, that's all the time we have for tonight, kids. (Popper starts playing his harmonica in background) I'd like to thank my guests, Janeane Garofolo, Flip Orley, Dave Grohl, and Popper. (Popper keeps playing his harmonica) Popper, stop that infernal noise! (he keeps playing) Popper! Popper! (he blasts Popper with his destructo ray)

(Credits roll)

Moltar: So, uh, what did you think of the show tonight?

Space Ghost: That show blew like the solar wind. We had better run the standby.

Moltar: Cheez, the standby? It's a pretty old one.

Space Ghost: Who's on that one?

Moltar: Flip Orley. He hypnotizes Teri Garr.

Space Ghost: Oh please!

Zorak: I'm jazzed, baby!

Space Ghost: That's it, prepare my escape pod. I'm going to ABC.

(Theme song big finish)

(Glass breaking)


GUEST STARS
Janeane Garofolo
Dave Grohl
Flip Orley
John Popper
WRITERS
Spike Feresten
Steve O'Donnell
EDITORS
Bill Wilner
Ken Brady
(inverted) Tom Roche
MUSIC
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
MUSICIANS
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
VOICES
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Penny Jones
Gary Owens
DESIGN COMPANIES
TURNER PRODUCTION EFFECTS
Big Deal Cartoons
ANIMATION DIRECTOR
C. Martin Croker
DIGITAL COMPOSITOR
Tim Garber
SOUND DESIGN
Roy Clements
ANIMATOR
Derald Hunt
ART DIRECTOR
Chuck Brock
FLAME ARTISTS
Butch Seibert
Bill Chapman
Dave Sillman
Andrew Pope
PROJECT MANAGER
Laura Klene
PRODUCTION MANAGER
Kaili Rubin
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR
Vishal Roney
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS
Sean Gooden
Gus Jordan
TALENT COORDINATOR
Isabel Gonzalez
INTERNS
Gill Austin
Nathan Cook
Heather Davis
Stefan Lanfer
Terrence Liddell
Maya McClure
David Pava
Lisa Yamanishi
SPECIAL THANKS
Hanna-Barbera
Atlanta Humane Society
Davis Glick Productions
Brad Schultz
Pat Smith
ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN
Alex Toth
PRODUCER
Dave Willis
PRODUCER
Keith Crofford
PRODUCER
Michael Lazzo

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.


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