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Episode:29
Title:Jacksonville
Original Air Date:October 16, 1996
Guest Stars:James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett (of Metallica)

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:WAITING
Announcer (A):
Last week, on a very special "Space Ghost Coast to Coast":
(Space Ghost and Zorak in an operating room, with heart monitors beeping in background)
Space Ghost (SG):
Get me 100 cc's of bolgerdrine, stat! Clear!
Zorak (Z):
Still no pulse.
SG:
Clear!
(A blue Mustang is racing down the street, followed by a van. A truck collides with a parked car and rolls over)
(Two Moltars on the screen in front of Space Ghost)
Moltar 1 (M1):
I'm Moltar.
Moltar 2 (M2):
No, I'm Moltar.
SG:
W-, wa-, wait a minute...
(Scene changes, now in a tropical setting)
SG:
A stolen treasure map?
Z:
A stolen treasure map?
(Another multi-car crash, in slow motion)
(In the Oval Office)
Z:
The clock is ticking, Mr. President. You must make a choice!
SG:
(as the President) A stolen treasure map?
(Green smoke seeps from a box in a van, which then explodes)
(Zorak and Space Ghost in a kitchen)
Z:
I, I think I'm pregnant!
SG:
(stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Moltar riding in the bus)
Moltar (M):
(laughs evilly)
A:
And now, the conclusion.
(Special opening titles and theme, a la "Charlie's Angels", with Zorak, Moltar and Space Ghost in the title screen, with subtitles: "Space Ghost Coast to Coast / MCMLXXIII Martin Quin")
A:
Space Ghost Coast to Coast, a Martin Quin Production. With Space Ghost (Space Ghost), Zorak (Zorak), koochie-koochie girl Charo (Black Widow), Moltar (Moltar), Tansit (Tansit), Metallus (Metallus)
Adrienne Barbeau (AB):
Well, there we are...
A:
Adrienne Barbeau (handy man), and special guest stars Metallica (Metallica).
Space Ghost Coast to Coast will continue after these messages.
:INTERRUPT FEED
:START FEED
A:
(over dramatic music) Tonight's episode, "Hickory Dickory Dead". (screen subtitles: "Hickory Dickory Dead / Act I")
SG:
(invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost!
A:
Meanwhile, back at the set...
SG:
I can take it from here.
A:
I'm sorry.
Z:
Did'ja get Moltar?
SG:
Nope. Got something better. Tansit! Y'okay in there, buddy? Think we're about to start in a minute.
Tansit (T):
(in control room) Is this on?
Z:
You got Tansit?
SG:
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
Z:
Nothin'...
T:
(click!) Is this on? (click!) (click!)
Z:
... if you like babies.
T:
(click!) Is this on?
SG:
Yes, Tansit, go ahead.
T:
(click!) Space Gho- (click)
SG:
Yes, go ahead.
T:
(click!) Hello? (tap tap tap) Is this on? (click!)
SG:
Yes, Tansit, I can hear you!
T:
(click!) -at, you Space Gho- (click!)
SG:
(clears throat and sighs)
T:
(click!) Hi M- (click!) (click!) (click!)
SG:
Tansit!
T:
(click!) -ing is broken. I thi- (click!)
SG:
No, it's, it's not broken, just keep the button pushed in.
Z:
The red button!
T:
(long pause) (click!) broken! (click!)
SG:
No, just keep the button pushed in!
Z:
It's the big button, it's...
(Tansit presses the wrong button, screen changes to Japanese test pattern)
T:
Whoops! Hello...
SG:
No, no, the other button, the other one. The other one!
Z:
It's the button, it's right in front of ya!
T:
(throws lever, screen returns to normal) Okay, I think I got it.
SG:
(sighs) Good. You're clear on how the feeds work, right?
T:
10-4 on that, Space Ghost. Over and out!
SG:
Send the musical guest.
T:
Now?
SG:
Yes.
T:
Who? I-i-is, is it that time?
SG:
Yes, it's that time.
T:
(throws lever) Uh, no... (throws another lever) let's see, uh... (throws another lever) Yeah, right...
SG:
Please welcome heavy music makers, Metallica.
(Monitor lowers, showing another test pattern with a foreign language speaking)
SG:
(in quiet voice) Okay, all right. Tansit...
T:
I can do that better. (throws another lever, screen shows a different test pattern)
SG:
Uh, y'know, folks, I ran into Metallica just last year at a celebrity Pro Am down in Myrtle, Myrtle Beach last year. Myrtle Beach, right, Zorak?
Z:
Pebble.
SG:
Pebble Beach, right.
T:
Got it!
SG:
Metallica! (another test pattern on the screen)
T:
I, I, I thought I got it.
SG:
Tansit, what the heck's going on in there, buddy?
T:
(finally gets picture of Metallus) Guest coming up! Fresh off the griddle (throws lever)
SG:
(under his breath) Well, it's about time.
Metallus (M):
(drones on and on)
SG:
This isn't Metallica.
Z:
Yeah, I know.
SG:
This is Metallus.
Z:
Right.
SG:
No, it's not right. It's wrong. Very wrong.
Z:
So?
SG:
I think we have a problem.
Z:
Houston...
SG:
Listen, Zorak, can you operate the feeds?
Z:
Me?
SG:
Yeah.
Z:
Nnnno.
SG:
Well, super!
Z:
Problem?
SG:
Oh, shut up!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act II")
(Scene of Space Ghost battling Creature King, with foreign language overdubs)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act III")
James Hetfield (JH):
(on control room monitor) [Burp!] Sorry, I just had, like, a tuna sandwich, uh, slimy eggs in it.
T:
Yeah, I could tell, would you like a mint?
SG:
(invisos in to control room) Tansit, what are you doing? Is Metallica here?
T:
Yeah, he's out there.
SG:
"He"? You gave me Metallus!
T:
Oh. Eh, no biggie.
SG:
Yes, biggie! You screwed up the fe-... wait a minute. Who's this?
Kirk Hammett (KH):
(points to Jim) That's the mighty Hetfield. (laughs)
JH:
(waves) Mighty Hetfield, of Earth.
KH:
(waves) I'm Kirk of Earth.
SG:
And you're... Metallica.
KH:
Yes, sir, that is correct.
T:
We were just having a lovely conversation about tuna...
SG:
Well, that's nice. Now, would you give me the right guests so I can do my job. You know, talk show host?
T:
Oh, sorry. (throws lever, sends Metallica to monitor on set)
SG:
(invisos out)
T:
You think you're so hot. I can twist you and punch you and hurt you so badly, I can...
SG:
(invisos back in) I heard that! (invisos out)
T:
I didn't say anything!
SG:
(invisos to set)
KH:
I, I tell you why you're so...
JH:
Look at the pics, look at Space Ghost, man, when you talk.
KH:
Oh, that.
SG:
Well, looky there, Zorak, it's Metallica!
Z:
Wow! Everybody limbo!
JH:
Howdy, dude.
KH:
Hey.
SG:
Howdy, Metallica. Did Tansit treat you in a pleasant, courteous and professional manner?
JH:
I, I hated him.
SG:
Oh, you did?
JH:
Yeah.
SG:
What was the problem?
JH:
He had an annoying little voice. I wanted to smash him, with my boots. (laughs)
SG:
Well, uh, we're, we're in a transitional state...
T:
(over intercom) Hey, everybody, listen up!
SG:
Tansit!
T:
Space Ghost, clean up on aisle eight. (laughs)
SG:
Tansit!
JH:
He is annoying.
T:
This intercom thing is a pip!
SG:
Would you excuse me for a moment?
KH:
Okay.
SG:
(flies off)
T:
(still laughing) Aaah! You're squeezing my arm!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act IV")
(Brak and Space Ghost in a kitchen)
Brak (B):
Space Ghost, I think I'm pregnant!
SG:
(stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act V")
(Kirk is playing "air guitar" to toy guitar music)
SG:
(laughs) That's pretty keen! You guys are quite the musicians!
JH:
We're big fans of, uh, the musical part of your show.
SG:
You like the Zorak, do you?
JH:
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
KH:
Love Zorak.
SG:
Well, what do you know? Hey, Zorak, did you hear that, buddy?
Z:
"Buddy"?
SG:
Looks like you've got some fans.
Z:
Bite me, Metallica!
(Kirk and Jim stare back at Zorak)
Z:
I bet you think you're evil now!
KH:
We love evil.
Z:
Really! Well, aren't we the pretty ones!
KH:
Yes.
SG:
Zorak, they're fans of yours!
Z:
Well, that's what they expect!
SG:
You're twisted.
Z:
Yep.
SG:
Well boys, I'm going to give you a break. I'm going to let you play a song for Zorak! Ladies and gentlemen, Metallica!
JH:
All right, ready?
KH:
One, two, three...
JH:
Mine's louder, though.
(Kirk and Jim start playing their toy guitars again)
JH:
(singing) Space Ghost, you're like the dude...
You oughta like hang out and be in our band...
You're like the man...
And, uh, you are, 'cause you kick a lot of buttock...
(big finish)
Cool!
Z:
Well, that was stupid.
SG:
Zorak!
Z:
Well, it was.
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act VI")
(Black screen for ten seconds)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act VII")
KH:
Hey, could, (laughs) hey, could we smoke a cigar, or is it gonna mess with the oxygen in here?
SG:
And just where pray tell did you get those grubby things? Did Tansit give them to you?
KH:
(to Jim) You want a cigar?
JH:
No, you go ahead, man.
SG:
Mol- Er, Tansit!
T:
What?
SG:
Did you give the boys cigars?
T:
Well... yes.
SG:
And why did you do that?
T:
Well, my daddy always said, "There's nothing like a good stogie to clean the pipes." Y'know?
SG:
No, I don't know. Here I am, on this anti-smoking campaign, doing telethons, dressing as a clown and visiting children's hospitals, donating time and money out of my own tights, and then here you come, (doing Tansit imitation) "Here, fellas, smoke up!"
T:
But... but I was just being hospitable.
SG:
Hospitable? Hospitable? Tansit, you're fired!!
T:
Oh, pooh!
SG:
(invisos to control room)
T:
St-st-stay away from me! I'm a villain!
SG:
Tell me where Moltar is.
T:
I don't know what you're talking about.
SG:
Don't play dumb.
T:
No! Please! Don't hit!
SG:
Tell me where Moltar went, and I won't!
T:
But I can't! Zorak told me not to tell.
Z:
I did not!
T:
He, he said he would get his swarm of angry henchmen...
Z:
I did no such thing.
T:
He said he was going to...
SG:
Zorak doesn't have a swarm of henchmen.
T:
He doesn't?!
Z:
(evil laugh)
T:
Oh, you liar you!
SG:
You give me no choice, Tansit. I'm going to count to three.
T:
But... but...
SG:
One two three!
T:
(crying) Okay, okay! Moltar's on a bus!
SG:
A bus!?
T:
To Jacksonville! That's all I know! (sobbing) Just, just don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! (sobs louder)
SG:
Calm down, ya big baby!
T:
Don't touch me!
SG:
Zorak, take over the show. Don't escape, okay?
Z:
Oh, I won't.
SG:
I've got some heat to seek.
Z:
What?
SG:
Well, uh, you know what I'm talkin' about. (flies off)
Z:
(to Tansit) Pansy!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act VIII")
(Lokar and Space Ghost in a kitchen)
Lokar (L):
Space Ghost, it has come to my attention that I am pregnant!
SG:
(stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act IX")
(Zorak is in Space Ghost's chair, talking to Metallica)
Z:
Wanna go outside?
KH:
(laughs) What would happen?
Z:
You'd explode.
KH:
Uh huh.
Z:
Come on. It's fun.
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Epilogue")
(Moltar riding in a bus)
M:
(singing) "Everybody's talkin' at me, I don't hear a word they're sayin', just..."
SG:
(invisos in next to Moltar) Going somewhere, little Timmy?
M:
(surprised) Waaa!
SG:
It was the perfect plan, wasn't it?
M:
Look, if you're trying to wear me down, so I'll confess something I didn't do, I won't do it.
SG:
I just want the truth.
M:
Hey listen, the truth is, I know nothing about the plane crash, or the whereabouts of Umberto Malzone!
SG:
You think he's gonna protect you? You fool. You're useless to him now! Men like him don't hang, Moltar! Men like him watch their own neck.
M:
You're kidding.
SG:
I don't feel like kidding today, Moltar. I need to know. Are you going to leave me? (dramatic sting music)
M:
Nah.
SG:
Okay.
(Dramatic "wrap-up" music, similar to "Dragnet")
A:
(Moltar still) After the Jacksonville incident, Moltar was returned to his post as director of the show, given a spanking, and told never to escape again. (Tansit still) Tansit was also swatted lightly across the fanny for his role in the Metallica debacle. (Space Ghost still) Space Ghost resumed his duties as host of the popular animated talk show, and was later to be spotted that very evening with gal pal Tori Spelling. (Passenger 12 still) Upon Space Ghost's arrival, Passenger 12 choked on a 'Cracklin Tatah'. Witnesses quoted him as saying, "Man, there's a 'Cracklin Tatah' choked in ma throat." (Zorak still) Zorak eventually led Metallica to the outer air lock, where members of the band were heard to say, "Shouldn't we put on a suit or something?" (Metallica still) Metallica exploded in deep space. (Metallus still) Mwam mwam mwam, mwam mwam mwam...
(Credits roll)
(Closing music and narrative)
A:
The story you have just heard is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Speaking of names, I have a kitty named Fluffy. Sometimes Fluffy scratches the sofa, and I say, "Down, Fluffy, down, or Fluffy get no din-din." Sometimes Fluffy urp in the corner. Fluffy knows better than that. Cats are fun. I like them.
(Dramatic theme music)

GUEST STARS
James Hetfield
Kirk Hammett
of Metallica
WRITERS
Andy Merrill
Dave Willis
EDITORS
Jay Edwards
Ken Brady
(inverted) Tom Roche
VOICES
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Don Kennedy
Andy Merrill
Ken Osborne
DESIGN COMPANY
DESIGNefx
Big Deal Cartoons
ANIMATION DIRECTOR
C. Martin Croker
DIGITAL COMPOSITOR
Bill Chapman
SOUND DESIGN
Roy Clements
CAMERA
D.J. Roller
AUDIO
David Stevens
PRODUCTION MANAGER
Kaili Rubin
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR
Vishal Roney
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS
Sean Gooden
Gus Jordan
TALENT COORDINATOR
Isabel Gonzalez
INTERNS
Gill Austin
Nathan Cook
Heather Davis
Stefan Lanfer
Terrence Liddell
Maya McClure
David Pava
Lisa Yamanishi
SPECIAL THANKS
Hanna-Barbera
Lanell's Motor Coach
Joe Buck
Enrico Salvatore Rizzo
Sean Akins
Johnny Reaves
ORIGINAL SPACE GHOST DESIGN
Alex Toth
PRODUCER
Dave Willis
PRODUCER
Keith Crofford
PRODUCER
Michael Lazzo

© 1996 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.


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