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Title:Gum, Disease
Original Air Date:November 11, 1994
Guest Stars:Branford Marsalis, Danny Bonaduce
Synopsis:The rapport between Branford Marsalis and Space Ghost makes it lookas though the then-band leader of "The Tonight Show" might be switching talk shows. Next, a child star from the same television era as Space Ghost, Danny Bonaduce, talks about his days with the Partridge family and his deep-seated hatred for Osmonds.

Choose a format: Regular Table Indented Condensed


Moltar: (sneezes)

Zorak: Sixteen.

Moltar: (sneezes)

Zorak: Seventeen.

Moltar: My nose is stopped up.

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Inviso in... (invisos out) Inviso out... (invisos in) Inviso in... There, seems okay now.

Moltar: (sneezes, entire studio shakes)

Space Ghost: Crimony! What's the ruckus, Zorak?

Zorak: What ruckus? (Moltar sneezes again, studio shakes)

Space Ghost: That ruckus.

Zorak: Oh. Moltar's sick. (Moltar sneezes again)

Space Ghost: Bless you, Moltar.

(Opening theme music & titles; part way through, Moltar sneezes again, and music & credits start fast-forwarding & rewinding, and playing at various speeds. Space Ghost invisos out & in again)

Space Ghost: (laughs) (aside) That was odd. (aloud) Greetings! I am Space Ghost. (smiles, light glints off his teeth) My guests tonight are recording artist and "Tonight Show" band leader Branford Marsalis, and former "Partridge Family" member Danny Bona-, Bon-, Bonaduckie.

Zorak: Duce!

Moltar: (sneezes)

Space Ghost: Gesundheit!

Moltar: (snort) Thanks.

Zorak: (plays Space Ghost to his desk)

Space Ghost: Zorak, that... (final drum beat) was less than satisfactory. Explain yourself.

Zorak: I.. don't know. Don't look at me!

Space Ghost: I am looking at you.

Zorak: Well, don't. (Zorak & Space Ghost stare at each other; Zorak blinks)

Space Ghost: (Ding!) Hah! I win, Zorak!

Zorak: Grrrr...

Space Ghost: Okey-dokey! My first guest, unlike Zorak, is a talented musician. Please welcome Branford Marsalis. (monitor lowers, but bounces repeatedly) Moltar! Bad director!

Moltar: I can't control it.

Space Ghost: Have to use freeze ray. (Fires freeze ray at monitor, it finally stops bouncing) Okay now. No more slip-ups. Remember, this is a professional talk show. (someone drops a microphone, feedback ensues; Moltar coughs in background) (pause) Branford!

Branford Marsalis: Hey, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Hey right back at you, Branford. So how goes the "Tonight Show"?

Branford Marsalis: It's going pretty good, sir.

Space Ghost: That's terrific. Mazel tov!

Branford Marsalis: Thank you very much, Mr. Ghost.

Space Ghost: I see you're chewing gum.

Zorak: Gum?

Moltar: Gum?

Zorak: Gum!

Space Ghost: Did you bring enough everyone?

Branford Marsalis: No, but I'll have some shortly.

Zorak: No gum?

Space Ghost: So, do you enjoy being the "Tonight Show" band leader?

Branford Marsalis: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Is it fun? Do you enjoy working with Jay Leno?

Branford Marsalis: Yes, yes.

Space Ghost: In a way, you're like Ricky Ricardo, except without all that other stuff.

Branford Marsalis: Absolutely, absolutely.

Space Ghost: So, what evil crime have you committed against Jay Leno to become his band leader?

Branford Marsalis: I don't, I don't know. I would, I... I really don't think I've done anything wrong.

Space Ghost: (sound of gavel falling) Guilty! (crowd murmuring in background) So, what does Jay Leno do to help defend the universe?

Branford Marsalis: He doesn't do anything to help the universe. (laughs)

Space Ghost: This concerns me. So, what is he like, then?

Branford Marsalis: He has all the money, all the babes, all the cars. He's the host. He's just like you.

Space Ghost: Hardly! I keep the universe safe; he doesn't! And, I have more trophies. (smiles, light glints off his teeth again)

Branford Marsalis: Oh, I'll tell his you said that, and I'll tell his wife too. (glare from Space Ghost's teeth starts overloading the cameras)

Zorak: Space Ghost! Shut your big mouth!

Moltar: Aaaah!

(Screen goes completely white, then goes black; then, a blue screen with a picture of Zorak and Moltar, and the words "WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES" appears, with background music; a short while later, the regular screen returns)

Announcer: (voiceover) We now join Space Ghost Coast to Coast, already in progress.

Space Ghost: ... something crawling on the table... (looks up) Who was that?

Moltar: (sniffle) Some lady.

Space Ghost: (quietly) Alrighty. (normal voice) So, Branford, you have a new album! Tell us about it!

Zorak: Yeah, give us some gum!

Branford Marsalis: Yeah, it's a, it's a really nice album, it's a very dramatic departure from what I usually do. It's more like a, a pop album.

Space Ghost: Uh huh.

Branford Marsalis: There's a lot of strange mixes on there...

Space Ghost: Speaking of strange mixes, you know what I had for breakfast this morning?

Branford Marsalis: No, I don't.

Space Ghost: A sausage and mayonnaise soup, with a cream of corn omelet. (groans and grumbling voices in background)

Moltar: Oh, no, stop, don't!

Space Ghost: Some milk I left out in the sun for a week...

Moltar: (sounding nauseous)

Branford Marsalis: Oh, come on, don't do that, man!

Space Ghost: And some fuzzy bread.

Moltar: I'm gonna be sick! ("hurling" sounds)

Space Ghost: Moltar! Damage report!

Moltar: I just hurled in my helmet!

Branford Marsalis: Oh, man!

Zorak: Gross.

Space Ghost: I... think it's time to take a break (sound of a container being emptied) Moltar! Not in the control room!



Space Ghost: (playing "Sonic the Hedgehog" on monitor; exits game) Okay, we're back with Branford the Branford.

Branford Marsalis: Kick it.

Space Ghost: Branford, I wonder, does Doc Severinson ever show up and offer useless advice and mess with your horn section?

Branford Marsalis: Well, Doc gave me some really good advice right before, uh, the show started...

Space Ghost: (laughs) That Doc! You've gotta love him.

Branford Marsalis: Yeah, he's, he's, he's hype, he's dope, he's, he's crazy.

Zorak: (in "rapper" outfit, with "scratch" noises) Mrrrrr, stick 'em!

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak) So, Branford, do you have musical knowledge to share with Zorak?

Branford Marsalis: Well, not the kind of knowledge you're referring to, but... (laughs)

Space Ghost: What's so funny?

Branford Marsalis: Oh, sorry, were you... nothing, were you saying something, Mr. Ghost?

Zorak: He was asking you, where's Zorak's gum? For me! Mine! My gum! Mine, not yours!

Branford Marsalis: Zorak, never eat anything larger than your head. (to Space Ghost) How's that?

Space Ghost: Not so good.

Branford Marsalis: (surprised) What do you mean?

Space Ghost: Would you care to join us for dinner after the show, Branford?

Branford Marsalis: Absolutely, what do we have, rabbit?

Zorak: I will eat your liver, with some fava beans and a fine Chianti. (sup sup sup sup sup) Oh, and some gum.

Space Ghost: Yeah, right, Zorak. You and what army?

Zorak: Ehhh, the Kiss Army. (Army voices: "Yeaaahhh! Destroy Rock City!")

Space Ghost: Er, right, right. (pause) Branford, I mean, Branford, before you go, will you scat?

Branford Marsalis: Well, it's gonna cost you, bro, you know I won two Grammies.

Zorak: (at desk with laser rifle) Make with the scatting (fires rifle)

Branford Marsalis: A one, a two, a one two three... (scats for 4 bars) (to Space Ghost) Go!

Space Ghost: (scats for 4 bars)

Zorak: (scats for 4 bars) Take it, Moltar!

Moltar: (tries to scat for a couple bars) Take it, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (scats again; Moltar sneezes, and Branford's image is replaced by Danny Bonaduce's)

Moltar: Space Ghost... (Space Ghost keeps scatting) Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: (stops) Hey, that's not Branford! It's that Partridge kid!

Moltar: (sniffle) We lost Branford.

Zorak: And the gum? (pause, then screams)

Space Ghost: Okay, everyone remain calm.

Danny Bonaduce: Hello?

Zorak: (finishes screaming) (to Moltar) You idiot!

Moltar: Sorry.

Zorak: Shut up!

Danny Bonaduce: Hello?

Space Ghost: Hello, citizen Danny!

Zorak: (in background) Shut up!

Moltar: (in background) Sorry.

Space Ghost: So, what have you been up to lately?

Danny Bonaduce: Hi, Space Ghost. Well, I, I've been very busy, but before I even say what I've been doing, let me just say I have been on with some of the biggest talk show hosts in the world...

Zorak: (to Moltar) What?

Danny Bonaduce: ... and this is an honor for me.

Space Ghost: Okay.

Danny Bonaduce: Just kidding! Ha!

Space Ghost: Listen, you have been in some trouble, haven't you, young man? In fact, you're very lucky to even be on my show. Don't you think you should thank me?

Danny Bonaduce: Ha ha ha ha ha... Very funny...

Space Ghost: I'm serious, Partridge. Thank me.

Danny Bonaduce: That makes me nervous.

Space Ghost: I'm waiting...

Danny Bonaduce: Thank you.

Space Ghost: Thank you, Space Ghost.

Danny Bonaduce: Thank you, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: That's more like it. So, Danny boy, what super-power helped you battle the child star syndrome?

Danny Bonaduce: I used the power of invisibility.

Space Ghost: I have that.

Danny Bonaduce: Oh, no kidding!

Space Ghost: Would you use this super-power to help other child star victims?

Zorak: (to Moltar) Shut up!

Danny Bonaduce: No, because I have met other child star victims, and I've got to say that it's my opinion that they pretty much are getting what they deserve.

Zorak: Like Jan and Jace?

Space Ghost: Who?

Zorak & Moltar: (laugh)

Space Ghost: Danny, do you mind my asking how much you made from all those years as a Partridge?

Danny Bonaduce: I've got about eighty bucks and a lunchbox.

Space Ghost: That's it? That show made truckloads of cash! Boy, did you get rooked!

Danny Bonaduce: Shirley Jones, David Cassidy, that's where all the money went.

Space Ghost: It's pathetic how they treat talent in Hollywood. Right, uh, talent, personality, and a quarter will get you a cup of coffee.

Zorak: [No talent and no personality will get you a talk show]

Space Ghost: [Uhhhh...] Danny, what was your favorite thing about the seventies?

Danny Bonaduce: The beginning of the eighties.

Zorak: (in "punk" outfit) Whip it, whip it good!

Space Ghost: [Uhhhh...] Danny, what was your favorite Partridge Family song?

Danny Bonaduce: I actually have a couple. "Echo Valley 2-6809" was one of my favorites. By the way, if you call that, you actually get an old lady in Arizona, it's very cool.

Old Lady: (phone rings, she answers) Hello? Hello? Hello!

Moltar: (laughs, then coughs)

Danny Bonaduce: "I Woke Up In Love This Morning" (starts singing song)

Space Ghost: Ewww! Ewww! Joke's over!

Danny Bonaduce: Oh.

Space Ghost: I understand you're in radio now. Plug your station!

Danny Bonaduce: Um, let's see, uh...

Space Ghost: Wait for it... Go!

Danny Bonaduce: I work at -- (screen zaps, replaced by little girl playing a guitar & singing)

Space Ghost: Now what?

Zorak: Oh, um, sorry. I was sitting on the remote.

Space Ghost: (quietly) So, we lost Danny. That's okay. (screen zaps back)

Danny Bonaduce: Hello?

Space Ghost: Oh. You.

Danny Bonaduce: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Say, Danny the Danny?

Danny Bonaduce: Yes sir, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: What did you want to become when you were a kid?

Danny Bonaduce: When I was a, a kid, I really only wanted two things. I wanted to be a policeman...

Zorak: [Lousy screw!]

Danny Bonaduce: ... and, uh, to punch out Donny Osmond, or really any member of the Osmond family.

Zorak: When I was a larvae, I wanted to be the all-powerful ruler of the universe! (crown appears on his head)

Moltar: Me too! (crown appears on his head also)

Zorak: And, to have some gum.

Space Ghost: Do you know what gum is?

Zorak: Nnnnnnnnnnno... But I want some!

Danny Bonaduce: Have you ever met Donny Osmond, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: I'd... (crown appears on his head) I'd rather not talk about it. (crown disappears)

Danny Bonaduce: Got it!

Space Ghost: Danny, you sound rather hoarse. Perhaps you've got The Sick of Moltar!

Moltar: What?

Space Ghost: Maybe I should take a look. Say "Ahhhhh!"

Danny Bonaduce: Ah.

Space Ghost: Louder, please.

Danny Bonaduce: AaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! (glass breaks all over the studio, alarms go off)

Space Ghost: Okay, everyone remain calm.

Zorak: Space Ghost! (gets pulled out of his seat, flies across room) Wheeeee!!

Danny Bonaduce: You know, I, sort of after this, Leno sucks.

(Credits roll)

Branford Marsalis: (scats)

Danny Bonaduce: AaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Branford Marsalis
Danny Bonaduce
Evan Dorkin
Sarah Dyer
Michael Cahill
Sonny Sharrock
Eddie Horst
Sonny Sharrock
Lance Carter
Eddie Horst
Alfrieda Gerald
George Lowe
C. Martin Croker
Tanya Bergan
BRICK HOUSE editorial
Turner Production Audio
Ken Brady
Ken Cargile
Paige Lillard
Jay Yeary
C. Martin Croker
Tanya Bergan
Matt Harrigan
Fred Seibert
Ken Chamberlain
Dave Farmer
(inverted) Tom Roche
Jeff Barron
Dave Dubiel
Jeff Flock
Rob Hess
Michael Maddox
Roy Clements
Alex Toth
Matthew Maiellaro
Andy Merrill
Keith Crofford
Michael Lazzo

© 1994 Cartoon Network, Inc. All rights reserved.
Animated Characters TM & © 1966 Hanna Barbera Productions, Inc.
All Rights reserved.

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